It's Actually Just A Basketball, Isn't It

Saw my sister-in-law last weekend in L.A. (had a wonderful time down there, by the way... Kyle and I drove down, had dinner with my mom and step dad, stayed with my sis and her boyfriend, oooed and ahhhed at my sister-in-law's baby shower, went to my cousin's graduation dinner, and hung out with Kyle's aunt and uncle - do we know how to pack stuff into a weekend or what!?)

ANYway, while at the baby shower, I couldn't help but think that my sister-in-law might not actually be pregnant. Because, seriously, NO ONE can look that gorgeous and tiny while carrying a whole human being inside them!

Exhibit A:

My tiny sister-in-law from the back. See that??? It's a WAIST! You're not allowed to have a waist while you're pregnant!

Exhibit B:

My sis, my sister-in-law, and me - I'm pretty sure *I* look more pregnant that she does. (mrrrr)

I think it may just be a scam to get adorable little pants:

Are those the cutest things you have EVER seen or what???

My beautiful, amazing, smart, sophisticated, wonderful, couldn't ask for a more awesome girl to love my brother, even though I'm totally jealous of how she is just ROCKIN this pregnancy thing, sister-in law. 8 1/2 months pregnant:
(She's due July 28!!! Eeeeee!)

It's *totally* a basketball under that dress! No? (I hope not - I REALLY REALLY want a nephew!)

:)

*************************************
Updated to add:
(because it's just too cute to leave out)

My bro checkin' out all the loot from the baby shower! Heee!

The Best Of Intentions

What I planned to have for breakfast today:
Plain oatmeal sweetened with locally produced, organic honey and a dash of cinnamon.

What I actually had for breakfast today:
Sausage McMuffin with Egg from McDonald's.

That's What Friends Are For

I was rushed this morning, and just sorta threw the shirt on haphazardly. After a quick glance in the mirror - to make sure I had remembered pants - I was out the door.

For the record, this is not the best way to dress oneself. Dressing should consist of more than a cursory check for pants. It should, at the very least, include something that goes roughly like this: Shirt not see through? Check.

Alas... woulda, coulda, shoulda.

Hangs head in shame and then admits: I wore a see through shirt to work today.

Luckily, I have work friends who love me. And who point this sorta thing out to me. And who don't laugh hysterically at me (at least not out loud) as I remedy the situation by lining my shirt with masking tape so as to make it bit more "business casual" and a bit less "hey, let's have casual sex right here on my desk."


Note the parts of the shirt that are sorta masking tape colored - behind the cute little black flowers... yeah, those were previously totally see-through. Awesome.

On the upside, I think the masking tape looks totally cute!

Ice Cream

Some say "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade."

I say, "When life gives you a spare 50-gallon tank of Liquid Nitrogen, make ice cream."


Note my "safety goggles" - Nine West is OSHA certified, right?


We made quite a mess


Peaches and cream - yum!

It Really Does Work

I took my kitty, Gus, to the vet today. He recently shed 4 pounds - which is pretty significant when you're a cat. (Heck, it's pretty significant when you're a human moving full steam ahead towards bathing suit season.) He used to be a chubby 18 pounds, and now he's a lean mean 14 - my roommate didn't even recognize him! I noticed that he hasn't been eating much lately. But, strangely enough, he's also had a ton of energy and has been playing with his sister, Abby, all the time. So basically, he's been eating less and exercising more.

Naturally I was concerned, because, really, who just DOES that?

The vet poked, and prodded, and stuck thermometers in places where Gus did *not* think thermometers should go. And then she took some blood for tests.

I spent the whole day nervous for my formerly fat little man.

Well, she just called and gave Gus a completely clean bill of health. YAY! It seems all that hype about "eat less, move more" really does work. Who'd of thunk?

Reason #4371

Reason #4371 NOT to stick your head in the toilet: While out for a fancy graduation, with not one but TWO sets of grandparents present, your boyfriend might think it's a good idea to bring up the story and suggest that you share it with the whole freakin family. Thanks sweetie.

Pics from the rest of our trip to Boston/New Hampshire for Kyle's little brother's graduation:


Ghost Tour in Boston (Kyle's sister's boyfriend reads... all the time!)


Boston sites


Hanging with the fam (and the car kitty) in New Hampshire


Playing in the Connecticut River


Kyle with his Siblings and some really cool fungus


Partying at Dartmouth - there's bit of a pong obsession there


Graduation - me and Kyle's sis and Kyle's little brother with their parents

If I Can Make It Here...

Wow! So I'm sitting in the JFK airport right now... yeah, hello New York! It has been a fan-freakin-tastic (my new favorite word) weekend.

Left Wednesday night on a Red Eye out of San Jose... me and 5 of my favorite girlies... on our second annual Girls Rule, Boys Drool trip. Last year it was Vegas - we pretended we were a bachelorette party. This year, we went to New York city... the pretend occasion? Well, we had some trouble picking something that was both exciting and believable... we tried "Emily is moving to Florence to become a furniture designer"... but then everyone we met was like "aww... aren't you sad? Aren't you going to miss her?... so that was sort of a downer... Then we said "Brie just got her PhD!"... but we couldn't decide on a field of study that was both exciting and not too intimidating to the guys that we were trying to convince to buy us drinks.... We finally settled on "Yay! None of us is getting married!" It's the truth, it's easy to remember, and in our opinion it IS a reason to celebrate. (Of course, 5 minutes in Central park watching all the families play catch and whatnot and we were more like "!!Why aren't any of us getting married??!!") :( *sigh*

Anyway, our plane landed Thursday morning at 6 am and we got to the hotel around 7... quick costume change in the hotel lobby bathroom and it was off to Cafe Lalo for a DELISIOUS breakfast - mmmm Belgian waffles... hey, I was on vacation!!! After breakfast we played in Central park for a bit and then went shopping on 5th Avenue. (Granted it was mostly window shopping, but still) Around 3pm we gave into exhaustion and went back to the hotel for a nap. Ahhh sweet sleep! Then we woke up, showered, dressed, and were off for our first taste of New York City nightlife. We started out at the Maritime Hotel - and by started out, I mean we wondered around aimlessly for like an hour trying to find/ decide on a cool bar. Once we got to the Maritime Hotel (and figured out where to sit - trust me, it was a challenge), we had the YUMMIEST cosmos (they'd better be for $12 a piece!) and some of the BEST girlie bonding I have ever experienced. :) It was so nice. I can honestly say that I will treasure that memory forever. Afterwards, we met my best friend, Kim (who lives in Manhattan), at Tortilla Flats in the meat-packing district for dinner. Our "reservation" was for 9:15... I don't think we sat down until 10:30... but the guy at the door brought us as many free shots of tequila as we could handle, so it certainly wasn't the end of the world. :) Dinner was good but, being from California, I think we should have known better than to order Mexican Food on the East Coast - it didn't even begin to compare to the stuff we have here. Oh well - at least the margaritas were good... but $33 for a pitcher!!!! (And it was a small pitcher!!! - Crazy.) After dinner we went to a few bars... I remember very little... I was still exhausted and the tequila had gone straight to my head... but I'm told I had a good time... and apparently I almost cried when I said goodbye to Kim - she was going out of town for the weekend for work. Figures! The one time I come to New York, she has to go away :( But we said goodnight, took the subway home, and I passed out in all my clothes. SOOOOOOOOO unlike me - I didn't even wash my face! YUCK!

Anyway, Friday we woke up, got dressed, and met up with Anna (who lives in D.C. and took the train up to NYC - so cool!) We had breakfast at a resturant whose menu was TWENTY-EIGHT pages long!!!!!! (I took FOREVER to decide on what to eat - big surprise) Then we went to TKTS in times square and got half price tickets to see Chicago!!!!! (YES, I SAW CHICAGO ON BROADWAY!!!!!) By the way, Times Square was EXACTLY how I pictured it! Kinda like San Francisco and Vegas mixed together... and on Steroids. After we got tickets, we went and saw Rockefeller Center, and St. Patrick's Church, and then we went to the MOMA (Museum of Modern Art). I gotta tell ya, modern art... IT'S NOT ART!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHGRHGHGHHHHRHHRHRHGHGHGHGH. I'm sure I was totally obnoxious to the other museumgoers, but I couldn't help but say, "Ummm, hello, NOT ART!" at almost every piece we saw. I was so not a fan! They *did* have a few Monets and Van Goghs there... so that sorta made up for it... but still - painting a canvas all blue and calling it art just is *not* right!!! After the museum we went to dinner (Yay! Cheap noodle place - mmmmm) and then we went and saw our Broadway show. I think it's safe to say that we had "jazz hands" for a solid hour after the performance. (We're so lame) Then, we went out in Greenwich Village... again we got off to a rocky start -

Alina: Hey this place looks, cool... and look at all the cute boys.
Sophie: Wow, there are a LOT of boys in there.
Lucia: Sweet! Let's go.
Me: Wait a minute... there are NO girls in there.
Brie: Even Better!
Me: Wait, seriously, there are NOOOO girls in there.
Anna: Hmmm there seems to be a lot fetish stores on this street...
Emily: Uhh, guys, I'm pretty sure this is a gay bar.

Lovely. On the upside, at least we weren't mistaken for cross-dressers... as we walked down the street, one guy looked us over and said, with a hint of disappointment in his voice: "hmmm, real girls..." (ummm, ok) We ended up at some bar called White Horse, where they'd never heard of a micro-brew, and apparently just slapped there own name on Red Hook beer. The nerve! After that we went to Employees Only - a super posh bar where we decided that we didn't fit in and promptly left 5 minutes after being seated. (A little embarrassing, yes, but we'll never see those people again, so who cares what they think!) Then we went to a place called Cowgirl - GREAT margaritas!!! (Again, stupid expensive, but soooo tasty!) And then we were off to another bar where two boys named Jason bought us all beers. Nice. Around 3 or so we went home and crashed. (p.s. yes, we slept 7 girls in one hotel room - 3 beds, 1 bathroom – what can we say, we’re babes on a budget.)

Let’s see, so Saturday we got up, walked through Central Park, saw the family-fest (made me want to get married and have like 10 kids right then and there) and then went to the Met – soooo much fantastic art!!! REAL ART, not that crappy modern… crap! Afterwards we went home, put on fancy dresses and went out to a fabulous steak dinner. Fabulous except that some stupid lady in the bathroom was like, “You girls look nice, are you going to Prom?” PROM!! REALLY??!! Do I really look 18, lady!!!!!!! Grr. But everything was made up for on the walk out of the restaurant… It was one of the greatest moments of my life… Picture it… we’re in a steak house, so the guy to girl ratio is HEAVILY in our favor… we get up to leave and mind you we’re sitting in the back of the restaurant… there are 7 of us, dressed to the nines, and we start walking out of the restaurant single file… literally, I swear on everything, the whole restaurant goes silent… you hear forks hit the plate, everyone’s jaw drops, and they STARE at us as though we are a group of swimsuit models having just come off a photo shoot. It was like a movie!!!! I have never felt so beautiful in my whole life!!!!! Their heads followed us blatantly as we passed… they all looked as though they had never seen a woman in their entire lives… We all turned bright red… it was so funny… and so fantastic!!!!! We were literally high for like an hour afterwards! Hello EGO boost! :) After that we went to the Four Seasons for cocktails – Hello $19 Martinis and NO cute boys! (Darn it! We should have stayed at the steak house!) After the Four Seasons, we go home, quick costume change, and then we’re off again. First to the Pink Elephant – IT WAS ALLLLLLLLL girls and super crowed!!! AND I bought a beer for $8!!!!! Unacceptable. On the upside, they had a live saxophonist playing along with the house-type music, which was like the coolest thing ever… Most of my girls ended up going home at like 2:30, but Sophie and I stayed out dancing till 4am at the Marque. (Another bar/club) Significantly better ratio, and a lot less crowed - It was SOOOO much fun! I wish they had clubs like that in SF! By 4 am, my feet couldn’t take it anymore… went home… in bed by 5am… 8:30 am Sunday morning… RISE AND SHINE!!! (Ugh) We got dressed, packed, checked out, and then went to see ground zero. Totally and completely overwhelming. I won’t even attempt to do it justice in this blog. Afterwards, we walked around the financial district a bit more, saw the stock exchange, and then took the shuttle ride from HELL to the airport. Well, looking back it was actually sort of fun… but while it was happening I was CERTAIN I was going to die. Lanes were COMPLETELY optional, as were red lights. We drove on the sidewalk, we drove over center divides, we drove on the shoulder of the freeway. We !!!!Reversed!!!! off a freeway on-ramp, flipped a U-turn and drove the wrong way on a one way street, and actually drove perpendicular to oncoming traffic on the FREEWAY!!!!! We almost hit like 900 cars and almost died like 50 times. We were screaming the entire time. It was totally like a rollercoaster ride!!!! And worth EVERY penny of the cab fare – he got us to the airport JUST in time. :)
So anyway, that brings us to the beginning of this blog... whew... what a ride. I totally thought New York would be overwhelming and that I would be like "How does ANYONE live here"... But it wasn't... and I can totally picture myself living there... Maybe I'll start with San Francisco though... you know, baby steps... we don't need to "start spreadin' the news" just yet. :)

A Year Ago Today

*sigh*

A year ago today, I was out to lunch with my girlfriends.
A year ago today, I answered a panicked call from my brother.
A year ago today, I heard the words "CPR", "the ambulance is here", "any allergies", "he might live" rolled together in a cloud of terror and confusion.
A year ago today, on the street outside the restaurant, I fell to my knees and I prayed.
A year ago today, I drove myself home, trembling.
A year ago today, my sister called me back and, in a high pitched almost whisper, informed me, "He died."
A year ago today, I screamed like I have never screamed before.
A year ago today, I was alone in my living room, lying on the floor as a tears and mucus and saliva swirled together.
A year ago today, I tried to remember the last phone conversation my father and I had had.
A year ago today, I was grateful that I always end phone calls with "I love you".
A year ago today, Kyle rushed over after hearing about the ambulance and entered the room with hopeful eyes.
A year ago today, he cried with me when I told him the news.
A year ago today, I packed a bag and flew to LA.
A year ago today, it all happened so fast.
A year ago today, the thoughts of my dad's last moments on earth haunted me - did he know? was he scared?
A year later those same thoughts still haunt me.
A year ago today, I walked into my old house and it felt like he was still there.
A year ago today, I found his old work gloves in the garage and I put them on because they smelled like him and they reminded me how big his hands were.
A year ago today, friends and family gathered in our den. We laughed, cried, shared stories, and sat in dumbfounded shock together.
A year ago today, I felt blessed to have such wonderful people in my life.
A year ago today, I shared a bed with my mom because I couldn't sleep alone.
A year ago today, I cried myself to sleep at the end of what seemed like the longest day ever.
A year ago today, I lost my Daddy.

I miss him terribly.

I Don't Even Know What To Call This

The wire transfer cleared today. Just up and f-ing cleared and dumped my inheritance into my checking account as if it were no big deal. Inheritance. I hate that word. It sounds like something you should get from a 90-year-old aunt. Some old bag you never really knew, who took a liking to you when you were nine and wrote you up in her will. It sounds like old money. This money is new. Fresh. Ripped from the house I grew up in. Not ready to be liquidated. My kids were supposed to play in that house. And now it’s just gone. And he’s gone. And he wasn’t supposed to be gone. He was supposed to be puttering around in that house forever. And now it’s all just… gone. And yay, I have a little bit of money now. And yay, I can put a down payment on a house and pay off my credit cards. But who will help me hang shelves and put up crown molding in that house? Who will visit me and smile with his chest all puffed out, like only a dad can do, at how proud he is of his little girl in her first home? And dammit, I don’t need this stupid money to pay off my stupid credit cards! I was doing it just fine on my own. I was making progress. I had it under control.

Dammit! I hate this.

It’s not that I’m not grateful. I mean, this money will substantially improve my current financial situation. I’m not dumb. I get it. I know it’s an amazing opportunity. It’s just… ok, so now I can pay for a wedding… but who will walk me down the aisle?

I have no idea what to do. I knew the money was coming – they said probate would take about a year and it’ll be a year on Friday. Dammit, has it been a year already? I didn’t know how surreal it would feel. I want to give it all away and save every penny all at the same time. I want to go buy my old house. I want to move forward and buy a new house. I want my dad back. And dammit, would a little ordeal be too much to ask for? The wire transfer just, poof, cleared. Like it was a check for 10 bucks that I’d been meaning to cash forever, that had sat stuffed in my wallet because it just didn’t seem worth to go all the way to the bank for 10 bucks, that I finally remembered to drop off at the ATM while I was out running errands this weekend and oh! neat, when I checked my online banking this morning, there it was! …Hello! This is a big deal, people. I feel like the bank should have called, offered their condolences, and then I should I have had to sign like a zillion papers. And fingerprints and birth certificate should have been involved. Don’t you think? But I guess my brother took care of all of that. It’s all so anti-climactic.

I hate this.

I feel small. I miss my dad. My eyes hurt.

Why don’t the big things come announced by trumpets? Why aren’t they gold leaf lettered on fancy parchment, waiting for my stamp of approval? Why does shit just happen? On random Tuesdays and Thursdays? I hate it. You meet your soul mate, a child is conceived, you get hit by a bus. It just up and happens. No warning, no parade, no dramatic pause while the whole world holds their breath. It’s all so… anti-climactic.

My heart hurts.

I Miss It

Kyle was in one of his best friends' wedding last weekend. It was lovely ceremony and reception at a local winery. The weather was perfect, the bride looked stunning in her gown, the groom cried as he read vows he'd written himself, and, following strict orders, Kyle was facial hair free.


Bye-bye beard


The ceremony


Me and my handsome guy

(He's a hottie either way... but I gotta say, I miss the fuzz.)