Losing sleep

Not because my little man still feels the need to eat not once but TWICE in the middle of the night every night*, but because I go back to work in exactly 3 weeks and I still have NO IDEA what we are going to do for child care. :( I am the worst mother ever. I've been in such denial about having to go back to work that I just didn't bother to find someone to look after him... and now here we are, with only 3 weeks to go and I'm totally scrambling. Nannies are SO EXPENSIVE (not to mention, how on earth do I go about finding a qualified stranger to leave my baby with all day long??!!) and Day Care is a.) hard to get into and b.) mostly geared towards older kids and c.) also expensive. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do. :( Someone please tell me that it'll just magically work out...

*confession... I don't actually mind the fact that little B doesn't sleep through the night yet. Now that we've learned to nurse while lying down and I've figure out a super awesome cloth "night time" diaper that doesn't need to be changed till morning, I don't even have to get out of bed. In fact, a small part of me sort of looks forward to our wee hour snuggle-fests. :) I know this is a fleeting time in our lives and there will most definitely come a time when the LAST thing on earth he wants to do is cuddle up with his mommy for a snack at 2 in the morning.

life is good...

Blogging from my phone... here goes nothing.

I feel like I've been blogging in my head almost everyday since B was born. His first diaper change in the hospital at 1 am (kyle and I wondered if we should call the nurse or if we were *allowed* to just do it ourselves), the day his umbilical cord fell off (6 days after he was born), his first cloth diaper, my heart break when he first out grew an article of clothing, my feelings of being COMPLETELY overwhelmed and secretly contemplating going back to work at 3 weeks post partum so that "more qualified" nanny could take care if him, my love-hate relationship with breast feeding (at 2 months in I can FINALLY say I love it.... but it hurt SO bad for so many weeks), his first nap in his crib all by himself, his first coos (they usually happen after he sneezes), his first smiles (still few and far between, but I can usually count on a grin or two during diaper change time), mine and Kyle's first trip back to sexy time land (man, I thought I was afraid of getting pregnant BEFORE... I'm down right terrified now!)
So many moments that I wanted to capture...
For now I just want to remember this one: lying in bed on a rainy Saturday with my little man snuggled up next to me nursing and being cuddle-y, Kyle fast asleep next to us, and my cat, Gus, curled up on my feet. I am so very happy right now. :) :) :)