A Year Ago Today

*sigh*

A year ago today, I was out to lunch with my girlfriends.
A year ago today, I answered a panicked call from my brother.
A year ago today, I heard the words "CPR", "the ambulance is here", "any allergies", "he might live" rolled together in a cloud of terror and confusion.
A year ago today, on the street outside the restaurant, I fell to my knees and I prayed.
A year ago today, I drove myself home, trembling.
A year ago today, my sister called me back and, in a high pitched almost whisper, informed me, "He died."
A year ago today, I screamed like I have never screamed before.
A year ago today, I was alone in my living room, lying on the floor as a tears and mucus and saliva swirled together.
A year ago today, I tried to remember the last phone conversation my father and I had had.
A year ago today, I was grateful that I always end phone calls with "I love you".
A year ago today, Kyle rushed over after hearing about the ambulance and entered the room with hopeful eyes.
A year ago today, he cried with me when I told him the news.
A year ago today, I packed a bag and flew to LA.
A year ago today, it all happened so fast.
A year ago today, the thoughts of my dad's last moments on earth haunted me - did he know? was he scared?
A year later those same thoughts still haunt me.
A year ago today, I walked into my old house and it felt like he was still there.
A year ago today, I found his old work gloves in the garage and I put them on because they smelled like him and they reminded me how big his hands were.
A year ago today, friends and family gathered in our den. We laughed, cried, shared stories, and sat in dumbfounded shock together.
A year ago today, I felt blessed to have such wonderful people in my life.
A year ago today, I shared a bed with my mom because I couldn't sleep alone.
A year ago today, I cried myself to sleep at the end of what seemed like the longest day ever.
A year ago today, I lost my Daddy.

I miss him terribly.