Veterans Day

To all those who have served or are currently serving in our armed forces and to all the military families out there who support them, Thank You.

Thank you for your service. Thank you for your commitment. Thank you for your sacrifice.

Kitchen Dream 2

I was lying on the couch in the den when I looked up and saw a man in a blue sweater standing in the kitchen. He was tall and handsome. I couldn't tell how old he was. Maybe 35? Maybe 50? He stood there quietly. I got up and walked into the kitchen, not sure what to make of the whole situation. Instinctively I knew he wasn't real. He couldn't be. And I understood that. But I stood staring at him, not wanting to disrupt anything, afraid that if I touched him he'd disappear. We both were silent. Finally, preparing myself for disappointment, I slowly reached out and touched his arm. He didn't vanish. I could feel the softness of his sleeve, I think it was cashmere, and I could feel his forearm beneath. He felt real. He reached his arms out, as if to ask for a hug. I threw my arms around his neck and he wrapped his outstretched arms around me. We hugged for a long time. It was one of those full body, never want to let go hugs. Happiness radiated through me and every inch of me felt content. It was wonderful.

And then I woke up.

I think it was my dad.

Kitchen Dream 1

Growing up I had a cat named Kitters (I was ten when I named her, don't judge.) Kitters was my everything. She was a grey, stripe-y, kitty with a short tail (when she was a tiny kitten, the end of her tail got infected and had to be amputated.) She was fat and sweet and I loved her with my whole heart.

For as long as I can remember, Kitters had a pretty delicate stomach, and, as a result, would regularly leave me little vomit presents all over the house. Being a good mommy, I cleaned them up and never complained. (Well... maybe I complained a bit.)

When Kitters was 10 (and I was away in my Sophomore or Junior year of college) she got sick. I drove home to be with her, but it was pretty clear that her time had come and that it would be the last time I saw her. She was scrawny, and her fur had turned dingy and almost had a yellow tint to it. She refused to eat or drink. It was awful to see her like that. When I left to go back to school I kissed her goodbye and told her I loved her. She died a few days later.

A few months went by and before I knew it I was back home for the summer. One night, I had a dream. I was sitting in the den and Kitters came in, as she always did, through kitchen window. I went into the kitchen to greet her and swelled with happiness when I saw her. Her coat was shiny, and she was big and fat again, and she looked as happy and healthy as I had ever seen her. Her short tail stuck straight up as stroked her head and scratched behind her ears. She purred and rubbed her face on me and all was right in the world.

I woke up the next morning and could not get over the vividness of my dream. It was SO REAL. I was sad that it had only been a figment of my imagination, but felt confident that wherever Kitters was, she was happy.

I got out of bed and stumbled through the house, still wiping the sleep from my eyes. I stopped short when I got to kitchen. There, in the middle of the floor, was a little pile of cat vomit.


***
Now, it should be noted that we DID have another cat at the time (Kitters' brother, Sparky) so the vomit probably came from him (even though I don't think he'd ever thrown up a day in his life). But, still...

Tenacious

I received the following email today from an old co-worker:

Courtney -

I was cleaning out my email and found a “PWBA* Team” subject email. The “To” line had the following names:

John A...
Joe D...
Margie D...
Courtney K...
A.J. M...
Jeff S...
Kurien T...
Dustan W...

You seem to have a secret when it comes to PWBA longevity. Hope all is well, enjoy the Dilbert!

-Dustan

(Attached to the email was a dilbert cartoon about people with time making decisions while the people with talent were busy fixing the problems made by the people who have time. Very appropriate for anyone who works for a giant company.)

Not a single person on Dustan's list, save yours truly, still works on the PWBA project. Sigh.

Five years. I've spent five years working on the same damn project. Blink. Whoosh. Five Years. Same.Damn.Project. I've had 3 different managers, at least 5 different product team leads, and dozens of different teammates in that time. I am the ONLY constant. I can't decide if this makes me feel awesome - like YEAH! I'm the only one who can't be replaced. HA! Or if it makes me feel like a total sucker who keeps pluggin away at the same thing day in and day out, too stupid/lazy/loyal/content to find greener pastures.

I like my job. I really do. I'm doing exactly what I decided at 14 I would do when I grew up. My brain is engaged, I like my co-workers, I'm challenged, they pay me decently, I have good benefits, I pick my own hours (granted, sometimes I have pick 20 of them a day, but darn it, I get to pick which 20 they'll be - ha!), and I respect my boss. (Well, I respect one of my bosses, I have two now, and the new guy's total turd, but I like to think that, like all the people I've worked with, he'll be gone soon.) Still. This is the only project I've ever worked on. And this is the only "real" job I've ever had. What if it's way better someplace else? What if the grass really is greener? Am I fighting the good fight or am I just afraid to leave my comfort zone?

Ugh. I'm feeling way too contemplative for 3:30 on a Friday.

----
*We loves us some acronyms in my business. In fact, the signature at the bottom of my work emails reads as follows:

Courtney K...
AEHE PWBA CPE
PTC&M PC

I kid you not.

Note: exactly three letters were changed in the above collection of acronyms so as not be google-able... I don't really work on the PWBA... although I think I could *totally* rock the Professional Women's Bowling Association. Don't you?

We Will Prevail

A beautiful email sent to some of my Virginia Tech Alumni friends:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Virginia Tech Alumni Association
Sent: Thursday, April 19, 2007 12:24 PM
To: All Alumni April 2007

“We will prevail; we will prevail; we will prevail. WE ARE VIRGINIA TECH!”
Those words closed the Memorial Convocation held Tuesday afternoon on the campus. They were from renowned poet and University Distinguished Professor Nikki Giovanni.

No words could more powerfully proclaim the unity and bonding that Virginia Tech alumni feel all around the world. No words could more meaningfully signal that the process of healing has begun. A candlelight vigil was held later Tuesday evening on the Drillfield and was attended by thousands of students, faculty and staff, townspeople, alumni and other visitors who came to support a hurting community.

President Bush and Governor Kaine gave messages of comfort and inspiration to thousands in the audiences gathered in Cassell Coliseum and Lane Stadium. University President Charles Steger received the longest of standing ovations at the convocation, clearly a symbol of respect for his solid leadership through these horrific events that have gripped the nation and world.

Emails and phone messages have poured in literally from around the world. These are in overwhelming numbers, and so very meaningful to all of us closest to the tragedy. President Bush and Governor Kaine visited with the grieving family members who were assembled on the campus. Dr. Steger has continued to meet with them to offer the university’s support through every channel imaginable. The assistance and guidance from the Virginia Tech Police and all other law enforcement personnel with us has been invaluable throughout these past few days.

One of my colleagues at a sister institution wrote of how flags and spirits have been lowered on his campus, as they have on hundreds of other campuses across the country in honor of our loss. Yet, just as all have witnessed the lowering, they know that recovery will be made possible by the many hands that can raise flags and spirits together.

Our Alumni Association has learned of an effort to designate this Friday, April 20th, as HOKIE HOPE: ORANGE and MAROON EFFECT day worldwide. We encourage all alumni to come together or communicate with each other on this day especially. If you choose, wear something symbolic of the university’s colors, logos, or marks to declare loyalty and support for the healing that has already begun. We support this initiative wholeheartedly and hope that each of you, in your own way, will display pride in your alma mater – and remember especially those faculty and students who perished in random acts of violence on our campus – an unparalleled tragedy in our history.

In my previous email, I spoke of the creation of the "Virginia Tech Family Fund." This has been re-designated the “Hokie Spirit Memorial Fund”. They are one in the same. Your designation to either fund name will serve to assist the families of victims as well as others who were injured, and appropriately memorialize all those who lost their lives during the tragic events of April 16th.

For additional information go to www.vt.edu for an official link to the Hokie Spirit Memorial Fund, as well as to counseling resources nationally, memorial services planned by alumni chapters and other groups, and other information about the events of recent or coming days.

Ann Spencer ’76 serves as the current President of our Alumni Association, a volunteer role she has held since this past July. Ann asked me to include her message to all our alumni on behalf of our Alumni Association and its Board of Directors.

The aftermath of this week’s tragic events will bond our alumni, students, faculty, and staff in ways we could never have imagined. Virginia Tech students, our future alumni, have shown unity and courage that make us proud to know they will be joining our ranks of some 200,000 alumni of this remarkably resilient institution. The response our university community has shown the world makes me proud of Virginia Tech for the special place it is, and very honored to be a member of the Hokie Family.

Our National Board of the Virginia Tech Alumni Association fully supports and commends President Steger and his staff, Police Chief Flinchum and all law enforcement officials, and the entire university community in their skillful handling of this tragedy. President Steger has shown consistent strong leadership for the university and his leadership has continued throughout this crisis.

Our Alumni Association expresses our sincerest condolences to the victims, their families and loved ones. We share in your grief and loss of members of our Virginia Tech Family. We are all committed to helping our Hokie Nation heal through this difficult time. Nikki Giovanni said it best: ‘We will prevail...We are Virginia Tech.’ We encourage your participation in the Orange and Maroon Effect this Friday. Ann Spencer, President

We know that our alumni and friends around the world feel our pain and share our grief. Know that your concern and support gives us strength and courage to face the future. Our darkest hour truly has passed, and we now move forward as a family united under one of the finest and most respected universities in the world.

Tom Tillar
Vice President for Alumni Relations

Pictures From Virginia

My friends, AJ and Laura, live in Virginia - about 2 hours away from Virgina Tech. Laura is working towards her PhD at the University of Virginia. They attended a candlelight vigil this week at UVA for those affected by the tragedy at Virginia Tech. AJ has an amazing eye. Here are a few pictures he snapped.



Originally uploaded by some.dude at flickr.com.

The Loss Of A Sister

Today I mourn the loss of a sister.

Not my own sister, Thank You God, but the loss of a stranger’s sister. Anisia C. Abarabar lost her sister, Marlyn C. Bautista, on the morning of September 11, 2001, in the World Trade Center.

It breaks my heart.

There is something about the bond between sisters. Something beautiful, magical, special. More than the sharing of secrets and hand-me-down clothing, it is an unconditional love like no other. It is intimate, and pure, and deep, and real. The greatest gift that my parents ever gave me was my little sister. And I am forever grateful.

Anisia and her sister, Marlyn, were born and raised in the Philippines. After marrying her childhood sweetheart, Marlyn moved to the United States. Anisia, and other family members, soon followed.

Marlyn and Anisia both worked in the World Trade Center in New York. On a September morning, five years ago, Anisia arrived downtown to find smoke pouring out of the building. Hoping to find her sister already praying, and safe, Anisia rushed to "their" church - the church they had so often visited on their way to work. But Marlyn wasn’t there.

On that September morning, Marlyn woke at 6am, kissed her husband, Rameses, goodbye, hopped on a bus from her home in New Jersey, and went straight to her meticulously maintained office on the 98th floor in the accounts payable department of Marsh & McLennan.

From the church, Anisia ran back to the World Trade Center to search for Marlyn, but the building was burning and she couldn’t get in. There was nothing she could do. On the day that America lost its innocence, Anisia lost her sister.

I cannot begin to imagine.

And so today I thank God that my sister is alive and well, and that we are happy and healthy. And I mourn for Anisia’s loss and for the hurt that she must feel everyday. How terrible, to lose your sister. In her honor, and in honor of every single person who gave their life that day, I post this entry and take a moment of silence to remember


Marlyn C. Bautista
Died at the age of 46 during the attacks on the World Trade Center.


*A big Thank You to the 2,996 project, which allowed me to attach a face, a name, a LIFE...to this day instead of just a number. On the five year anniversary of September 11, 2001, I remember the life of Marlyn Bautista and hope that you will take a moment to remember her, too.*

Solstice

Well it's official... today is the first day of Summer... the longest day of the year. Spring is officially over, and the days are officially getting shorter (thanks for pointing that out, Mr. Cup is Half Empty, Kyle!). Sigh.
If were 10 (oh, to be 10 again!) I'd be gearing up for summer camp and pool parties... at 15, I'd be horse back riding by day, partying my brains out by night ... at 20, I'd be trying to cram as many shopping days, beach days, concerts, and frat parties into one Berkeley summer as possible... at almost 25, well, it's the first day of summer and I'm already exhausted. I think I've spent the last 24 summers having too much fun. I'm done, spent... I've met my quota... I'd like a nap now. I find myself counting down the days till August when I can just relax and do nothing. (In standard Courtney fashion, I've booked myself solid with fantastic things to do till then... ugh.) Oh no, am I getting old?!?

Ah Spring

Birds, bees, warm sun, fresh air
Trees are blossoming
Spring Time
Hate my cubicle
Wish I were outside
Santa Cruz, Berkeley, San Francisco
Want to sleep in and stay up late
Want to run, childlike, through a park
Want sun on my skin and grass between my toes
Want to wake up to anything but my alarm clock
Want to play
Days getting longer
People getting feisty
Bubbling over
Can’t stay inside on a day like this
Flowers smell good
Breezes feel good
Summer is coming
I can taste it
Sunshine kisses my face when I step outside
Tingles up my spine
Happy, flirty, wonderful Spring
Want to play