It's The Little Things

I wonder if he noticed the look of joy on face, the way my eyes brightened or the sudden breathlessness in my voice. I wonder if he could see the glee.

He told me he was leaving. My heart skipped. Would be taking off this afternoon. I smiled. Would be gone till next Wednesday. It was all I could do to keep from jumping up and shouting "Woo-Hoo!"

A whole week without my tyrant of a boss calling me, on speaker phone, from his desk 12 feet away. A whole week without, "Well, that's not I how *I* would have done it" or "Just make it happen, ok?" A whole week where I don't have to hide in my cube every time I hear his thunderous footsteps approaching, praying that he's not coming for me.

A whole week! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Mental note: it may be time for a new job.

Alright People, Happy Thoughts!!!

For the next 45 days I'm going to focus on the positive. I'm going to do what I can with what I have. And it's going to be amazing. Take that, stress monster!

First off - Did I completely forget to post about my bridal shower/bachelorette party weekend extravaganza?? Tsk tsk! Let's go there now, shall we? It was A.MAZ.ING. I can remember at least 4 or 5 distinct moments where I had to take a minute to pause because I felt so overwhelming loved and blessed and happy. It really just doesn't get any better than that. :)

Ok, Friday night. The girls flew in from all over the freakin place and we converged on my friend Stephanie's apartment. It's been entirely too long since I've had a slumber party!


With my BFF, Kim, from New York


All the girls


Rocking the tiara


Phallic Play-Doh... the night went mostly down hill from here.


Then came Saturday! My Bridal Shower!!!!!

So much amazing food!!!


I was pretty excited about the edible arrangement.


Love these ladies


Concentrating hard on a shower game


Cake!! Strawberry shortcake - my favorite!!


My first shower present - fancy placemats for all of the Christmas and Thanksgiving dinners I'll someday serve.


Kim starting the ribbon bouquet


So excited to get my "everyday" plates


I seriously got the best presents ever!


Anything with my new "H" initial on it makes me all weepy :)


With the finished ribbon bouquet on my head.


All the girls at the party


My sis, my mom, and me

And then came Saturday night!

Whistles and shot glasses - dangerous


Rocking the "Sexy Little Bride" hoodie


The dresses in the closet


Opening presents


Cheers!!!


Some artsy black and whites


Me being silly


All the girls - all dressed up


My sis and me


My SF girls


Out at the Hotel Roosevelt Pool Bar



A few more artsy shots


My favorite twins!!!


Me at the end of the night, sitting on the ground... classy.


Sunday morning.

Is THIS What Little Girls Dream About?

Well, we're down to 46 days and I must say that I do not understand how some brides go through a sort of post partum depression after their wedding is over. Are those girls nuts??? I have officially begun the countdown to the sheer joy and jubilation that will be the day AFTER my wedding. The day that I will be married and all of this planning garbage will be done. The day that I don't have to stress about bridesmaid dresses, and makeup artists, and seating charts, and how many people want lamb or chicken, and the wedding cake, and the DJ, and what the ceremony decor should look like, and how the ceremony should flow, and the overall timeline, and what wine to get, and who should be allowed to bring a date, and how much more money we should spend, and on and on and on and on and ON.

I cry daily. Every single day. I stress about things that I didn't even know a person could stress about (most recently - what if my wedding band goes out of style in 5 years??? I can't very well get a new one, because HELLO it's my wedding band and it'll have infinite sentimental value. So do I just walk around with an out of style ring on my hand??? And mind you, I picked out THE PLAINEST ring I could find - ESPECIALLY for this reason. But what if plain goes out of style??? What if plain is ALREADY out of style!?!?!? Seriously, there are children starving in a desert somewhere and I'm worried about the trendiness of my wedding band. What has become of me?)

It's ridiculous. I don't know why anyone puts themselves through this nightmarish process.

First of all, it's expensive. OUTRAGEOUSLY expensive. And no matter how much money I spend, someone else will spend more. Someone's food will be tastier, their linens will be finer, their flowers will be more extravagant, their guests will be better taken care of. So why am I even bothering? I should have just had a picnic in the park and bought a house with the left over cash.

Second of all, I don't know how anyone has the time to plan a wedding without quitting their day-job. Meeting with vendors, getting invitations out, shopping for attire, getting alterations done, tasting cakes and food and wine, making reservations, booking the venue, the hotel, the rehearsal dinner, the morning after brunch. GAH! It's enough to make a girl scream. I don't have time for all this!!!! And who does? How do other brides do this?

Third, the stress. I'm in a constant state of panic. A giant ball of stress. Did I pick the right venue, what flowers should I go with, should I get a shuttle for my guests, what was I thinking with those bridesmaids dresses, why can't I find a single freakin bra that works? Should I throw another $1000 at the latest problem that's crept up??? My head is forever spinning, and worrying, and over-analyzing. I would give my arm for a single decent night's sleep.

Is this really what little girls dream about when they put tissue paper on their heads and hum "here comes the bride" while marching down a hallway holding a fake bouquet of flowers? Is it supposed to be this hard? I just feel like I'm such an idiot when it comes to all this stuff. I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm just throwing thousands of dollars around like a blind chimp. I'm depressed and anxious and I fret mostly non-stop. It has long since ceased to be fun. And if one more person tells me to enjoy my engagement because it's such a special time and it goes by so fast I may punch them. This whole process sucks. Are we done yet?