Friday, May 09, 2008

Never Trust A Bug

Yesterday, as I was shutting the lights off in the bathroom, running late for work as usual, I came a across a rather large spider crawling on the wall near the light switch. Normally, in a situation such as this, I drop whatever it is I'm doing, run flailing to the kitchen, grab a cup, run flailing back to the spider (the flailing is key, mind you), scoop/will the creepy crawly into the cup, and then take him outside and gently deposit him on a bush or on the ground... and sometimes, if he's especially icky (or if it's cold out), I just just fling him as far as I can from my front door.

But yesterday, running late, I stopped, looked the spider, pointed my finger in his general direction, and said, "Hey Buddy! Normally I'd fling you but today I'm running late. You look like an upstanding spider, maybe we can work out a deal. I'll let you stay if you promise to eat those darn ants that keep infiltrating my bathroom. WHAT COULD THEY POSSIBLY WANT IN THE BATHROOM!? You're a pretty big spider, I bet you can also keep the other smaller, riff-raff spiders away. Keep it a one spider bathroom, you know? You don't bother me, I won't bother you. Each of us will let the other go about their business. But I don't want to be running into you like this on my wall next to my light switch. You stay outta sight. You hear me? Oh and I can't make any promises about the cats... if they catch you they'll eat you, and that's between you and them. But I promise that if you stay outta my way, I won't fling you, Deal?"

And he shook his creepy crawly fangs at me and I THOUGHT we had an understanding.

Boy was I wrong.

This morning... standing in the bathroom, brushing my teeth, wearing nothing but my undies, I felt a tickle on the small of my back. I assumed a hair had fallen from my head and was just sort of dancing there on its way down. But then it tickled again. I wonder what that is, I thought as I spit toothpaste into the sink and then turned to catch a glimpse of my back in the mirror.


Apparently, what *I* thought was an understanding, *Mr Spider* thought was a date! And I think he was headed for 2nd base.

In a bold move, I brushed him off me, WITH MY BARE HAND (ick!) And I continued to shriek. Kyle came in to make sure I wasn't dying, and I, still shrieking, showed him the beast that dared to set his grimy spider-feet on me. I then ran flailing off to the kitchen.

Kyle calmly called after me, "Sweetie, don't forget you're naked... and we have neighbors... and windows... and you're screaming, loudly."

EEK! I crouched down and then scuttled back to the bathroom, cup in hand.

With puppy dog eyes I asked, "Kyle, will you fling him outside for me? He broke his promise, but I'm too naked to do anything about it."

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