Ass-Bra

I must come to work looking like a homely troll on most days... because today, in basic heels and a skirt, people cannot seem to pay me enough compliments. As though everyone is secretly thinking "look, she's actually dressed like a girl today! Quick compliment her so she won't show up in troll attire tomorrow."

...

My roommate, Glenn, and I ran into each other in the kitchen this morning. His reaction to my ensemble was three-fold:

1. Look of shock and confusion (Ahh! Wasn't expecting to see anyone in kitchen... and dear me, is she dressed like a girl?)
2. Speak first, think later - "Whoa! Heels!"
To which I respond with a standard "oh-no-do-they-look-bad... do-they-make-me-look-fat?" expression.
3. Fear (Ahh!!!! Not good, Not good! ABORT!) "No, I mean, they look fantastic! ... They're an Ass-Bra."

...blink blink...

Did he just say "Ass-Bra"?

Yes, yes he did.

What, like it lifts and separates??? Ewe.

Apparently, I have been in the dark all these years about the ass enhancing features of the high heel shoe. Have you? I'm here to shed light! Ladies, in addition to sexy calves and blisters, it seems high heels also give us a shapelier ass. Who knew? They're the over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder of the shoe world.