Pennies Filled With Love

Soooooo, I bribed B to go preschool today.  With cold hard cash. I didn’t really mean to, I swear. 

Someone mentioned the idea of a “transitional object” to help ease B’s sadness at dropoff.  Basically you get a small object, infuse it with your love in front of your kiddo, and then give it to them to hang on to during the day when they are away from you.  Seems simple enough.  Well, yesterday morning, as B was wailing and clutching onto my leg for dear life, I hastily and rather haphazardly decided to give the transitional object idea a whirl. In a moment of desperation I told him I had a VERY SPECIAL surprise for him and I would give it to him if he would just stop crying for 3 seconds. And then I dug frantically through my purse looking for a special, magical, love infused trinket that I could give him. Except, I really should have thought this through a bit better, because I didn’t actually HAVE a very special surprise at my disposal.  Chapstick? Old hair tie? Deformed bobby pin? York peppermint patty wrapper?? Hmmmmm…the pickings were pretty slim. And then I remembered B’s love of coins, so I grabbed a few and told him they were magic coins filled with my love.  He was intrigued, but mostly unconvinced.  So I resorted to what I do every morning: prying him off me and then running away while he melted into a puddle of uncontrolled sobbing.  Transitional object fail. Or so I thought.  Today, as I was getting ready to leave him at preschool, tears began to well up in his eyes and he said to me “do have any pennies filled with love?”  Huh????  “I need some pennies.  With love. So I’m not sad.”  Ummmmm.  Yes! Yes I do have some pennies! And I will fill them with all the love on earth if it will help you not be the saddest sad panda who ever had a sad. So I reached into my wallet and pulled out a penny, kissed it repeatedly (ewe, did I really kiss money??? Note to self: boil lips), and then handed it to him.  “I need three pennies” he said.  (What is it with 3 year olds? Always negotiating for more.  Sheesh.)  Sorry kid, I only have the one.  And it’s EXTRA SUPER magical.  Better keep it in your pocket.  And then, glory of glories, B walked over to his teacher, who was reading a story, and sat on the floor with the other preschoolers. Not a single tear! I was dumbfounded but decided not to press my luck so I high tailed it out of there, as I walked out the door B smiled, waved, and yelled, “Bye mommy!”

 

I have no idea if he’ll still have the magic penny by the end of the day today – yesterday he lost the 31 cents I handed over – but if I have to give him a new penny every day for the rest of his schooling career considered it done. So yeah.  I paid my kid to go to school today, and I’ll probably do again tomorrow.

Lara Aline's Birth Story

It was just after 4am. Barrett got up and crawled into bed with Kyle and me.  It’s not a habit I necessarily wanted to encourage with my almost 3 year old, but with the baby’s due date approaching, I knew the opportunities for one-on-one snuggle time with him were limited. So after he snuck in and situated himself in the middle of the bed (and stole my good pillow) I curled up next to him, stroked his golden hair and nuzzled his soft skin with my nose.  And then I got up to pee.  Because, you know, that’s what you do when you are 39 weeks, 5 days pregnant.

At 4:32am, the “super moon” happened (it’s an extra large full moon, google it). About 10 minutes later, as I laid there in bed breathing in the deliciousness of my snoozing son while also lamenting the loss of my favorite pillow, I felt a jolt in my belly.  It was like an electric shock hit my torso.  Or like someone snapped a giant rubber band in my abdomen.  Or sort of like someone popped a balloon in my uterus.  Oh… wait.  That couldn’t have been my water breaking, right?  That was just the baby… doing Karate.  Right??? But then I felt the tell-tale trickle of fluid. 

Holy crap!  My water broke.  We’re having a baby!!!

So next I did what any logical person would do: I got up, put on a diaper, changed my pjs, threw a towel down, and promptly went back to bed. Because, hello? 4:45am is EARLY, and I am not a morning person.  Besides, after my water broke with Barrett, labor didn’t start for TWELVE hours.  I had plenty of time.

I began making a mental list of all the things I wanted to get done that day before labor started.  I figured I might get lucky and have another 12 hours to work with before any contractions came… but, just to be safe, I should plan on only having 6 hours.  My internal monologue went something like this: I’ll definitely need to shower… and blow dry. Gotta vacuum – darn cats. Pack some snacks in the hospital bag… oh, crap we didn’t go to the store yesterday.  Ok, quick grocery store trip. Super quick, I swear…

And then I felt a strange sensation.  It was in my pelvic floor.  I could feel… not pain, not pressure, I don’t even know how to describe it.  Intense warmth??? It began at the center and radiated outward.  Oh my goodness!!! I can FEEL myself dilating! WEIRD!!!! And yay!!!  Good job, body.  Way to know what to do. 

So it’s 5:15 now and I’m lying there, task-list making, dilating, certainly not sleeping, and I figure, well, I may as well get up and shower.  Please please please don’t let Barrett wake up when he hears me turn the water on.  I need him to be well rested today! I walk, ninja-like, to the bathroom, carefully avoiding the squeaky spot in the hallway.  I shower, I blow dry, I get dressed. It’s now about 6am.  The radiating feeling is still happening every so often and I decide I should probably wake Kyle.  I sneak into our room, wake him, tell him my water broke but that labor hasn’t really started yet and that he should feel free to keep sleeping.  And then the radiate-y thing happens again and I bend forward over the bed and let my head be heavy while the sensation moves through me.  And then I look at Kyle and say, “Actually, you should probably get up and get dressed now… just in case.” 

So he gets up and heads to the shower.  In the hallway we share a quick moment.  I say to him, “I’m excited. And nervous.”  He smiles, hugs me, and says, “Me too.”

Through all this, Barrett magically remains asleep. (Thank you, God.) I go into the kitchen to have a bowl of cereal and a banana.  While I’m eating, I notice that every once in a while I have to stop eating and just sort of deal with whatever was going on inside me. Should I be timing these things?? Are these contractions?? I wonder.  No.  Contractions happen in your belly, I feel NOTHING in my belly.  My body is just getting ready to go into labor; I’m not actually in labor YET. Besides, timing these things sounds like a lot of effort.  I’d rather just eat my cereal in peace.  So I decide to forgo any and all timing.

Kyle gets out of the shower and asks if I’ve called my mom yet.  She’s lives 3 hours away and is supposed to drive up to take care of Barrett while we’re in the hospital.  I tell him no, it’s 6am, I’m not calling her at this hour!  Besides, I’m not actually IN labor yet.  We’ve got time. He looks at me like I’m crazy and then tells me I should probably at least call my BFF to see if maybe she can come over to watch Barrett – in case my mom can’t come for some reason. All I can think is, Calm down, dude.  We’ve got PLENTY OF TIME.  But I semi-oblige him and send my bestie an, “I’m in labor” text - with no request for her to come over.

Kyle then makes the executive decision to call his brother to come over to watch Barrett ASAP.  I roll my eyes at him. Kyle’s bro arrives roughly 2 minutes later (Man! He’s fast!!) I’m bent over the kitchen table, Barrett has woken up and is happily watching cartoons, and Kyle is doing who knows what other than staying out of my way.  Good man.

At that point, I decide to change my outfit. I want something with pockets so I can keep my phone close to me so I can stay caught up with my peeps on the interwebs. I find myself in the bedroom with Kyle and I said to him, “This sucks.  This sucks SO MUCH.  I know I not supposed to focus on how much it sucks, but this SUUUUUUUCKS.”  And he hugs me and tells me I’m doing great.  Looking back, I don’t actually remember being in any real pain, but I must have been feeling SOMETHING or I wouldn’t have articulated how sucky it felt, right?

Next thing I know, I’m in the kitchen with my mind off in my happy place (the woods outside my grandparents’ house) and I start feeling the urge to push.  I know from Barrett’s birth that pushing will feel awesome, so I go with it. I groan like a wild animal and probably scare the crap out of Kyle’s brother. By this point I’m hot and sweaty, but I don’t have the urge to throw up, so I decide I haven’t hit transition yet.  I tell myself once I hit transition I’ll go to the hospital.  Because, really, if I go now, what can they do for me other than annoy me?  I really just want to be ALONE.  And I also really want to poop, so I move to the bathroom. While on the toilet I feel the urge to push/poop and again I go with it.  At this point I think I did poop.  Cool.  Glad that’s out of my system. 

Kyle then peaks his head into the bathroom and just as I’m about to kill him for disturbing me, he hands me large glass of water with a straw in it and says, “Drink this” and then shuts the door and leaves me alone again without another word.  And I all I can think is, **I LOVE THAT MAN**. He’s doing exactly what our childbirth teacher told him to do 3 years ago.  (Water, with a straw, don’t ask any questions.) He remembered!!  I’ve never had a glass of water bring me so much joy.  I suck down the water and then comes another urge to push/poop.  Man, how much poop in there?  So I push again and then I feel it… “it” of course being not poop but THE BABY.  I feel her move down.  A LOT.  Like a lot a lot! Uh-oh. 

At this point I realize we REALLY need to get to the hospital.  I tell Kyle it’s time to go and I’m sure he thought, “FINALLY!!! We should have left an hour ago!!”  It’s just after 7am. He helps me walk, ever so slowly and ever so carefully, down the hall, down the stairs, out the front door.  I don’t even waste time changing out of my slippers.  As soon as I get outside, the cool air hits my face (San Francisco’s June Gloom finally decided to show up after a several week long heat wave) and suddenly all is well in the world. Whatever had been going on inside my body vanished.  I could breathe, I could walk, I could talk.  Ahhhhhhh.  See!  I told you I wasn’t in labor! I told you we had plenty of time!!! I begin to wonder if I should run back inside and put on real shoes. Meh, whatever.

So I get in the car (front passenger seat) and we drive to the hospital. It’s only a mile or two away, and at 7:15 in the morning there wasn’t another car on the road.  We made great time.  I called the hospital from the car.  I believe the conversation went, “Hi, this is Courtney.  I’m in labor and I’m on my way in.” *click*.  We pull up into the hospital driveway (they have a circular driveway for the loading and unloading of patients) and instead of getting out of the car I decide to wait for a wheelchair.  (Note:  when I was in labor with B, I was too stubborn to accept help from anyone, including the nice man at the front door of the hospital who offered me a wheelchair.  I promised myself that with THIS labor I would let go of my “I can do everything by myself” mentality and, at the very least, accept the wheelchair. So in the car I sat as Kyle ran in to find the wheelchair man.)

I see Kyle run inside, look around frantically, and then dart off to the left.  A few seconds later, I see him run by the front door again off to the right.  What the EFF is he doing!!?!?! When I see him run by AGAIN, I think to myself, I should just get out.  This is silly. But then, No. no.  You promised yourself you would wait for the wheelchair.  Just relax.  Everything is fine.  So I’m there and I’m relaxing and suddenly the urge to push comes again.  And I say, out loud, “Stop it!  Just Stop. We are not doing this right now. Just.Stop.It.”  And then Kyle shows up with the wheelchair and opens the passenger door and suddenly the urge to push takes over.  I figure, ok fine, one push here and then I’ll get out of the car and we’ll go. As my body starts to push, I instinctively lift my butt up off the seat.  And that’s where I got into trouble.  Because with that push, her head started to come out, and once her head started to come out I couldn’t sit back down.  And because I couldn’t sit back down, I was stuck.  Feet on the floor, hands on the seat beneath me, butt lifted; in sort of a crab walk position.  I couldn’t move. 

At that point a nurse, who was just getting off shift, walked by and asked if we needed help.  YES, PLEASE!!!!!!!  I told him (yes it was a him, I later found out his name is Paul) that baby’s head was already coming out and that I couldn’t move. He asked Kyle to check to see if there was indeed a head.  Kyle tried to discreetly check by sliding my pants down a smidge and I yelled at him, “JUST TAKE THEM OFF!!!!!” He obliged and then told the nurse that there was indeed a head.  The nurse yelled for Security to call L&D and tell them to send a team down.  He then leaned into the car, gently put his hand on my stomach and told me everything was going to be ok.  I promptly yelled at him, “DON’T TOUCH MY BELLY!!!!!!!!!!!!” and he recoiled in fear.

So Nurse Paul, Kyle, and two security dudes are standing outside the car wondering how the heck to move me (I remember thinking, can someone get a forklift???) and suddenly the urge to push hits me again.  Game over.

I yell, “Guys!  She’s coming.  RIGHT. NOW.”

Nurse Paul, bless him, throws his jacket into the car, tears my adult diaper off (oh yeah, I was still wearing that bad boy), and proceeds to catch my baby as I push her into the world. (!!!!!)

I remember thinking, “Oh man, my car is going to be so dirty.”

Once she was out, I was able to sit.  I saw her and thought, LOOK AT HER!!! ALL CHEESY!!! Nurse Paul put her on my chest and pulled the neck of my tank top down and then over her to keep her warm.  Then he seemed intent on rubbing her and jostling her around a bit.  I just wanted out of the darn car.  Finally, my baby girl let out a soft cry and Nurse Paul breathed a sigh of relief, “There we go.  That’s what we need to hear.” 

“Oh my goodness, what time is it??? What time was she born???” I shout. Everyone whips out their cell phones to check the time. Miss Lara Aline was born at exactly 7:30am, on a very foggy June 23^rd morning just outside the UCSF hospital, in the front seat of her mother’s Toyota Camry.

Satisfied that baby girl was breathing, Nurse Paul stepped aside and I hopped out of the car (completely naked from the waist down, smuggling a slimy newborn under my shirt, with an umbilical cord dangling from my very exposed nether regions) and walked over to the gurney.  I climbed on, Nurse Paul took off (yep, dude caught my baby and then just sorta bounced) and the security guards wheeled me into the hospital. We took the staff elevator upstairs to L&D and I arrived in my birthing suite to find… no one.  Turns out the delivery team had all run downstairs (via the regular elevator) to help me deliver.  (Comedy of freakin’ errors, I swear!)

A few minutes later, the delivery team figures out where we are and they come sprinting into the room to find us all alive and well.  They get me out of my tank top and bra so Lara can nurse and have a dry blanket on top of her.  Then they realize I still need to birth the placenta. I allow them to clamp Lara’s cord and Kyle does the cutting.  Not a drop of blood splattered out. (I was secretly thrilled that the car delivery had inadvertently allowed for a super delayed cord clamping. Yay!) Placenta comes out (I ask to see it, and take pictures of it, because I’m a weirdo), the on call doctor – not so gently (OUCH!!) – checks my lady bit to see if I need stitches (I don’t), then we all relax.

Whew – we survived. 

Except, my nurse notices that I’m bleeding.  Kind of a lot.  She cleans me up with a sponge bath and presses with all her might (OUCH OUCH OUCH!!!) on my uterus, but the blood keeps coming. My midwife (who had JUST come on duty – hooray!!! I was so happy to see her!) comes in to assess the situation.  She tells me that she suspects I may have a clot in my uterus.  Goody.

She looks me in the eye and says, “You’re going to want some painkillers for this.” 

I returned her look with one that said “I just delivered a baby in the CAR, certainly I can handle whatever you’re about to do to me.”  But before I could say anything out loud she added, “Trust me.”  

So the nurse puts an IV in my hand and shoots me up with Fentanyl.  I feel woozy.  My midwife lubes up her gloved hand and proceeds to REACH INSIDE MY BODY INTO MY UTERUS.  She feels around in there for a few seconds then pulls out a GRAPEFRUIT SIZED BLOOD CLOT.  (!!!!!) 

Can I just say that my body was perfectly designed to birth my babies.  It was NOT, however, designed to deal with that sort of nonsense.  HOLY EFFING PAINFUL, BATMAN!!!!! I nearly crushed Kyle’s hand I squeezed it so hard.  She showed me the monstrous clot and, while it was incredibly painful, I was glad she got it and it was over.  Except that she had to go in AGAIN.  To make sure she actually got it all.  GAH!!!!!!  So more bearing down, screaming, and crushing of Kyle’s hand and then, finally, the whole thing was over.

Whew.

The bleeding stopped, I ate some breakfast, Lara got weighed (8 lb 6 oz) and measured (21 ½ inches) and the rest of the day went on in sort of a blur.  I called my mom (Are you in labor? She asked.  No…. I actually gave birth already.  In the car.)  Kyle called his brother to see how Barrett was doing.  (They watched cartoons all morning and spent the afternoon playing basketball in the backyard – pretty much the best day ever in Barrett’s eyes.)  I spent one night in the hospital and the next day I went home.  Ta-dah.

***

In related news:

Turns out Nurse Paul is a NICU nurse, which made him pretty much the perfect person to happen to be walking by at the moment we needed help.  I’m sure my 8+ pound daughter looked like a giant compare to the babies he normally deals with.  And yes, he totally got off his shift at work, delivered a baby in the driveway, and then carried on to his car and drove home as if nothing had happened. I guess on the way home though he realized he should probably go back to the hospital and check in with L&D.

The front seat of the Camry actually wasn’t THAT messy.  I guess the sidewalk outside the car, on the other hand, looked like a crime scene.  (From when I walked over to the gurney.)  P.S. I’ll never forgive Kyle for not taking a single picture of ANY of it - me, the car, the sidewalk, NOTHING!!! Grrrrrr. 

We had the car detailed and you honestly can’t tell that anything happened there.  Kyle was really impressed at how well it cleaned up.  He also decided that he’s never buying another used car, because seriously, a woman could’ve given birth in there and you’d NEVER KNOW IT.

Some friends of ours commended us for resisting the urge to name our daughter Camry, in honor of her birthplace.  My first thought then was: DARN IT!!!!!!!!  We totally should have named her Camry!!!!!  Or at least thrown it in as a middle name or something!  In our new parent fog we didn’t even consider it. Oh well.  Maybe next time.

We finally got the bill from the hospital a few days ago.  Total cost (before insurance) for my one night visit was $15,000.  Of that, $700 was for “labor room/delivery”.  Not bad considering I’ve seen $350 doses of children’s advil on hospital bills before. 

Speaking of things we got from the hospital - two things we did NOT get were a birth certificate and a social security card.  Seems that although we were on hospital property, because we were not technically INSIDE the hospital, the hospital could not certify the live birth.  (Seriously??) So, at three days old, we had to take Miss Lara downtown to the department of public health and to prove to them that she did, in fact, exist and could therefore receive a birth certificate.  Once that arrived, I had to take it down to the social security office to request a SSN.  (Imagine the DMV, but slower and more terrible, with a crying infant in tow... longest hour and a half of my life.)  Sheesh.  The paperwork alone is reason enough to never have another baby in the car!

On the gurney after we got up to the L&D room.

Big girl.  :) 

Daddy love.

Meeting big brother.

  The fam.

:)

 UCSF - Driveway.  lol.

Hey Guess What

I'm pregnant again.  And have been for the past 36 weeks.  Kyle and I are expecting a girl.  (Bring on the hairbows!!!!!)  I can't believe it's been over a year since I blogged.  It's amazing how busy you get when you become a mother.... and avid facebooker.  (Ok, let's be honest, it's the facebooking.) Sorry for the radio silence.  Maybe I'll do better at documenting this kiddo's life for the interwebz.  (Probably not.)

Toot!!!

So B and I are in the bathroom this morning, and I’m in a bathrobe brushing my teeth and B is on the floor playing with toys, when all of the sudden my neighbor blows his nose quite loudly: “Brrrrrrrrrrrttt” (yes, when you live in the city, you can hear your neighbors blow their noses, you get used to it and eventually find it charming, I swear.) Anyway, B hears this noise, looks up, and says, “Toot!” and proceeds to giggle. And I explained to him that it wasn’t a fart, it was just someone blowing their nose. He gives me a coy, “suuuuure, mom” look and repeats: “Toot! Mama! Toot!” and points at me. “Me??? NU-UH! I didn’t fart!!!” I tell him. But he remains unconvinced and proceeds to lift my robe up, points my butt and repeats “Tooooot!!” and then he collapses in a fit of giggles. !!!!! Sigh. This kid.

19 months

Worst mommy ever hasn't recorded a single stat about her kid... until NOW!

19 month check up: 34" tall, 28 lb 9 oz, and uh.... he has a big head, but I don't remember the actual measurement. Doh. Oh well.

I happened to dress B in his MOST stained onesie yesterday. Hey, it was laundry day, what do you want? I may or may not have put him in his Halloween costume the day before... Anywho, it didn't matter, right? Because it was under his clothes and who was going to see it anyway. Right?? Oh, except when I take him to the doctor and she has me strip him down but says it's ok to leave his onesie on. :\ And his shins are all bruised up from his need to climb EVERYTHING (and his current lack of finesse in doing so). And apparently he bonked his eye like 5 minutes before I picked him up for the appointment, so *that* began to swell a smidge during the doctor's visit. And ALSO the nanny decided to let the boys play in the mud yesterday (which would normally be awesome-sauce, but...) So there's my kid standing in front of the doctor: dirty, in VERY stained clothing, freshly bruised, and crying (because, have I mentioned, he suddenly has an aversion to being pants-less??) I saw the doctor eying him and could tell she was considering calling CPS for a brief minute. I wanted to scream out "I love my son!! I swear he doesn't normally look like a vagrant who's been in a bar fight. I don't know why he's crying about the pants, but normally, I PROMISE he's well adjusted and loved and PLEASEDON'TCALLCPS!!"... I thought about it for a minute, but decided an outburst like that would only hurt my case. So instead I washed B's hands (look sweetie! A sink! With SOAP! Let's go check it out!), re-pants him as quickly as possible, pulled him onto my lap, and smothered his giant head in kisses.

Beginning Of The End?

Yesterday morning - B's 18 month birthday* - B nursed and half way through stopped, said "no" and rolled away and went off to play. Today, he didn't nurse at all. So is this the beginning of the end of our nursing relationship? 18 months feels "about right" for us so I suppose I'm ok with it if it is, in fact, the beginning of the end. But still, sigh. It has been such a sweet, wonderful, thing. I will miss it.

*Holy Crap! Eighteen Months!!?!? How did that happen?

Yum...

So guess what I found under my couch last night... a sippy cup filled with milk. From a week (or so??) ago. So, technically, it wasn't really milk anymore. It was more like a strange congealed substance that I would classify as being half way between a failed science project and really fancy cheese. Delicious. I have no idea how it got there* but the stench that accompanied its disposal was enough to knock me on my butt.

*This is a lie. Upon further brain racking I remember EXACTLY how it got there. Barrett was doing his "I'm done with dinner now!!! Time to wildly throw everything off my tray!!!" thing. (Precious, no?) He's like one of those tennis ball launching machines except he throws food and utensils and sippy cups. And sometimes some of those projectiles end up under my couch and I don't immediately retrieve them because I'm busy wiping spaghetti off my face... and often off the cats. (Have I mentioned lately how much the cats LOOOVE Barrett?) But I distinctly remember seeing this particular sippy cup fly through the air and roll under the couch. And I remember thinking, "Oh man, I REALLY need to remember to pick that up before it dies a horrible death under there." And then I promptly forgot all about it. :\ Man, I am SO GOOD at this parenting business.

Well, It Was Bound To Happen Sooner Or Later

Barrett and I have a morning routine. It's good to have a routine. Following a routine helps with the auto-pilot I so often have to run on because motherhood = chronic sleep deprivation. So anyway, our routine. Our routine is I pick up my purse, my lunch, B's day bag and whatever else I need to schlep that day. I get them all balanced on my body and then I pick up B. Then I walk, loaded down with 40+ lb, to my car, which is often parked a block or two away. Upon arriving at the car, I open the back door and put B down on the back seat so he can scramble into his car seat. (I used to try to actually PUT him in the car seat, but that led to much yelling and flailing of arms and gnashing of teeth... and B didn't much care for it either. So we worked out a deal: I allow him to get into the car seat on his own and he makes sure the screaming is kept to a minimum. It's a good deal.) While B scrambles, I unload all my crap into the front seat. One time B scrambled right out of the car and tried to run down the street, so now I close the back door after dropping him off in there.

So anyway the process is basically this:
1. Unlock car
2. Open back door
3. Place baby inside car
4. Close back door
5. Open front door
6. Place crap inside car
7. Close front door
8. Re-open back door and buckle baby in his seat
9. Get on with rest of day

Unfortunately today we hit a small snag somewhere after step 7...

B has recently developed a love affair with mommy's keys. If he sees them, he NEEEEEEEDS them. Like "RightThisSecondOhMyGoodnessIfIDon'tGetThemNOWLifeAsIKnowItWillEnd!!!" :\ When it comes to parenthood, I'm a big fan of choosing my battles . I'll lay down the law when he gives me the "Mommy I NEED to stick my fingers in this electrical outlet" whine, or when he tries to climb on the kitchen counters to reach the knives, or when he's pretty sure his pacifier would taste better if I would JUST let him dunk it in the toilet. So, having fought all those battles already today, when he grasped desperately for my keys as I placed him in the back seat this morning I thought, "Fine. Take them. Have a ball."

With my car keys in his happy little hands, B started scrambling into his car seat. Step 3: check. So I moved on to steps 4 through 7. Close back door, open front door, place crap, close front door... and then I heard it: *Click* ... the sound of my car doors locking in response to my son pushing the lock button on my key fob. Worst. Sound. Ever.

The window of time that my son had to push that lock button (between me closing the front door and reopening the back door) was exceedingly small. We're talking 2 seconds, max. But toddlers are exceedingly good at doing the wrong thing at EXACTLY the wrong time. It's a special gift they have.

So now my child, my keys, and all my stuff (including my purse) are locked in the car. And I'm standing outside like a moron waving my arms and tapping on the window trying to convince B to push one of the other buttons on the key fob he so desperately loves. Except now he's realized that he's alone in the car and suddenly the keys just aren't that interesting anymore. So he shakes them around and launches them into the front seat. And then he realizes that he's not strapped in yet... so he stands up in his car seat, and he jumps up and down in his car seat, and he climbs over the back of his car seat (which is still rear facing) and nose dives into the center console in the front seat. !!! I was certain he'd come up with a bloody nose... or at least crying. But no. He popped his head up with the biggest smile ever on his face. Apparently trapped in the car is AWESOME when you are 1 1/2. Weeeeee! dive into the back seat. Weeee!!! dive into the front seat... lovely.

So I'm on the phone with AAA, (THANK GOODNESS my phone was in my pocket and not in my purse!!!) and they're asking for my member number - which of course I don't have because it's LOCKED IN MY CAR ALONG WITH MY BABY!!!!! And the lady is making my spell my last name like 10 million times while I'm knocking on the windows trying to tell B to at least dive carefully between the front and back seats. I finally told her to just send someone, NOW! and so she put in a call to the fire department. Mind you the fire department is around the corner from my house. Had I yelled loudly enough, I probably could have put the call in myself. But whatever. So AAA called the fire department and I hung up the phone with them.

2 minutes later, a GIANT fire truck pulls up and no less than FIVE MEN jump out. (I cannot believe they drove their GIANT TRUCK literally a block and a half. The drive was so short they didn't even get a full cycle of their siren out. It was like :::ruuuuuuummm::: <--- start the engine... :::rrrrr::: <---- siren wind up.... "Alright we're here!!!" Oh well.)

So giant truck, 5 dudes, baby running a muck in the car, and me. Apparently I was their first call of the day (at 9:15 am?? What a bunch of slackers the folks in my city are!) so I got a rose. Neat!! Luckily I had my wits about me so I could snap some pics:

B discovers mommy's stuff on the front seat.


Awesome firemen attempt to jimmy open my car


My rose!



So the firemen try and try and but they cannot, for the life of them, get my door open. They hit the unlock button with their coat hanger thing-ee but nothing happens, they get their coat hanger thing-ee around the door handle and pull, but that just sets off the alarm... Apparently Toyota has spent a lot of time and effort making their cars un-break-in-able. Which normally would be a good thing... except when your baby is locked inside. :\

So I call AAA again and have them send a locksmith. He gets there about 15 minutes later. Meanwhile B continued to enjoy his unchecked rampage around my car.

Here he is eating my eyeliner.


Here he is pretending to drive. (Much better picture when I press the phone against the window)


At one point, B found a nickle in the car and we all thought FOR SURE he was going to eat it and the guys were going to have to break a window and rescue him from chocking. They even got the tape out (to keep the glass from shattering) and debated which window would be best to break. B put the nickle in his mouth and we were all like, "No no no no no no! Don't eat it! Don't eat the nickle!!!" and he smiled and took it out of his mouth and we all cheered! And then he put it back in his mouth and we all freaked out again... and then he took it back out and we all cheered. We must have looked so strange to folks walking by.

We also tried (in vain) to convince B to push the unlock button on the door. We succeeded in convincing him to push all the radio buttons and to jerk the turning indicator and windshield wiper levers wildly but apparently door buttons hold no allure for babies.

At another point, B found his beloved keys in the front seat and we tried to get him to hook the keys onto the glorified coat hanger (so we could pull them out of the car through the pried open door). But all he did was grab the coat hanger and try to eat it. 17 month olds, it turns out, are pretty worthless when it comes to breaking into (or I guess out of) cars.

So finally the locksmith shows up and he tries all the coat hanger tricks without luck. I resign myself to the fact that my baby will be locked in my car forever.




Just then, the locksmith tries the "double door handle pull" trick. Which is to say, use the coat hanger to pull on the door handle, the car alarm sounds... then, pull the door handle AGAIN (within in 3 seconds.... which p.s. is NOT easy to do with a coat hanger!) VIOLA!!!! The door opened.

Oh thank goodness!!!!!!!

The whole ordeal took over an hour. But we all survived. And B didn't panic or complain once. He rules. I thanked everyone about a million times. (I considered hugging them, but 6 people is a lot of people to hug and I was afraid it would be awkward...) Then I belted B in and proceeded to step 9: Get on with rest of day.

The End.


(And yes, I know his shoulder strap is all wonky here... don't worry, I fixed it before driving off.)

This Is Why Kyle And I Are Different

We found a cat turd in our bedroom the other day. Lovely. But what can you do other than sigh, clean it up and move on. I volunteered to bring Kyle a paper towel if he would pick it up. He agreed but asked if I would bring him some toilet paper instead so that he could just flush it. My husband is a genius. I love him. So I leave and bring him back a box of tissues to use. Upon receiving the tissue box he stares blankly at me and asks what happened to the toilet paper. To which I reply that the tissue box was easier to grab and what difference does it make??

Him: Well, can you flush tissue?
Me: Ummm, duh. Have you never flushed a tissue before?
Him: No.
Me: Seriously?? So, like, when you run out of toilet paper, and you have to use a tissue, do you just throw it away???
Him: I've never run out of toilet paper before.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why my husband and I are very, VERY different people.

Pregnancy Journal

Hey look what I found: my pregnancy journal!! Nothing fancy, just a few thoughts I jotted down while B was in my belly. :) Warm fuzzies. Copied and Pasted here for posterity.

The day I found out I was pregnant, I cried. Big sobbing tears. For no good reason, really... because, I mean, it's not like it was an accident. In fact, it was very deliberately NOT an accident. I knew when I was ovulating almost down to the hour. No no, THIS was intentional. It was something that I had dreamed about since I was a little girl playing house with my dollies. And something that Kyle and I had talked at lengths about since pretty much the start of our relationship. It was something I wanted so badly that I could almost taste it. But then I saw the word "pregnant" on that damn little stick and I gasped in disbelief, shouted No!!!!!!! and then I cried. A lot. I think the tears were a result of, in addition to the idea of bringing a LIFE into being - and WOW is that a heavy thought - the fact that I was so sure that I WASN'T pregnant... I think mostly it felt weird to be SO wrong about my own body. I was CERTAIN that I wasn't pregnant. I was even starting to feel relieved that I wasn't pregnant, grateful for the "practice" 2 week wait. I learned a lot in those two weeks, and messed up a few times, and NEXT month, when the whole pregnancy thing DID happen, well, I'd be MUCH better prepared for it. Except then I WAS pregnant. It wasn't "practice" at all... sounds of "this is not a drill!" echoed through my head. This was IT. The real thing. The real thing and I didn't even RECOGNIZE it. Gah. I felt, instantly, like a terrible mother. Ah, maternal guilt... and so it begins.

Weeks 4 and 5... I still don't feel pregnant... this is a bit disconcerting. :( Although my boobs do hurt like hell! And they've basically filled out to porn star proportions. Kyle is a fan.

Wednesday, 5 weeks, 6 days: As if on cue, the nausea started (just about 6 weeks along now). Blah. Seems a bowl of cereal at about 5 am is all that will save me.

Friday, 6 weeks, 1 day (based on Sept 9, due date): I feel sick. Caitlin mentioned that Brenda constantly ate crackers during her first trimester... I got a box of saltines today. Ahhh, sweet relief for my tummy. I wonder if healthy people ever just eat saltines for the heck of it... or are the saltine producers kept in business entirely by folks trying to avoid puking? Hmmm...
Wednesday, 6 weeks, 6 days: Kyle's dad made some comment today about me carrying his future grandchild... it was a small, nothing sort of comment, but it sorta made me feel like a human crockpot... like I'm some sort of vessel who's sole purpose is to slow cook this baby for 9 months. Ugh.

Friday, 7 weeks, 1 day: Still feeling crummy. I feel like I have the flu. Work is miserable. Ugh. Kyle's parents are in town and I want to do is sleep and eat cereal. I've basically been living on crackers for the past few days.
Saturday, 7 weeks, 2 days: Finally feel a bit better - had a steak quesadilla for breakfast and an Ike's sandwhich for dinner! Woo - hoo for real food!
Sunday, 7 weeks, 3 days: OMG I am SOOOO tired. Slept till 1:30 today. Wow. I feel like a cat.
Monday, 7 weeks, 2 days: Kyle is working late - I'm having apples and peanut butter for dinner. Yum.
Tuesday, 7 weeks, 5 days: Thought maybe the nausea was done... I was wrong. Had a bowl of cereal at 2:15 in the morning (I guess I should have eaten a bigger dinner last night!) Slept hard from 2:30 to 6 and then again from 6 to 8. Still no weight gain. I seem to be holding fast at 145 lb. Wow - there is going to come a time in my life when I *strive* to get back to 145 lb. Right now, in my head, 145 lb just sounds like I'm 10 lb too heavy. Sigh.

Friday, 8 weeks, 1 day: finished a HUGE project at work today! Maybe now I can relax a bit. My mom is coming into town tomorrow.
Sunday, 8 weeks, 3 days: My mom is in town and we've sat on the couch ALLLLLL weekend long editing her cookbook. Didn't feel queasy at all today! (Hooray!) I think baby likes me to sit still, not do too much, and certainly not stress. This baby doesn't know me very well.
Monday, 8 weeks, 4 days: Back to work - and back to feeling queasy/ill. Boooo. Mom is still in town - we're still working on her cookbook. This is a major project...

Monday, 9, weeks ?? days: HEARTBEAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kyle and I went to our first pre-natal appointment this morning and glory of glories we heard the heartbeat! It was only for a few seconds, but MAN, what an amazing sound. There's a little PERSON in there. And he/she has a HEARTBEAT!!! Woah. Dr. Green decided to give me credit for having a 26 day cycle. Woo-Hoo. Basically, I'm due 38 weeks after conception (which we think happened on Tuesday Dec 15) instead of just 40 weeks after my last visit from AF. She said this put my due date on Sept. 6 (although, by my calculations, 38 weeks after Dec 15 is Sept 7). Hmmmm, so if we go by standard 40 weeks, I'm due on Thursday, Sept 9, which makes me currently 9 weeks 4 days. If we go by conception + 38 weeks, I'm 9 weeks 6 days pregnant. If we go by a due date of Sept 6, I'm 10 weeks pregnant today. Gah! I think from now on, I'll assume a Sept 7... which means I'm 9 weeks 6 days. Yikes, where does the time go? Still feeling a bit queasy/exhausted, but it's gotten better... sort of.

Friday, 10 weeks 3 days: two blood tests in one week. Sheesh! Good thing I've gotten over my fear of needles. I seem to have given up on real pants all together this week. Spent the last three days in stretchy leggings under loose dresses. Ahhh comfort. Pregnancy bloat is not my friend right now.

Wednesday, 11 weeks, 1 day: I'm writing down my thoughts less often lately, it seems... maybe I'm getting used to this whole "being pregnant" thing. I've started spending my days on thebump.com - which, much like theknot.com, is bringing me much comfort in a time when I feel like I'm the ONLY person on earth going through something. The morning sickness is mostly gone now (except for the middle of the night) and the bloat has even passed a bit. I'm wearing regular old jeans today and I'm not dying! I still have nothing that even RESEMBLES a baby bump, but I'm hoping it will arrive soon. The hardest part these days is 1. getting out of bed in the morning and 2. Constantly making up excuses for why I can't do things like drink or snowboard or whatever. I am TOTALLY ready to tell the world about the little goober growing inside me. Next week, after our NT ultrasound I think I'm gonna tell people. Speaking of making up excuses: I had the weirdest dream last night: I dreamed that my co-worker noticed how big my boobs had gotten and asked me what was up - I had to think of a lie on the spot and so I told them that I had gotten a boob job!!! Gah! Like I said, I'm pretty ready to tell people. :)
Thursday, 11 weeks, 2 days: Being pg got me out of jury duty today!!! The trial was scheduled to last 6 weeks - and hello! with my OB appts coming up that just wouldn't have worked. I was a bit bummed to miss out on the process - I'm actually quite intrigued to serve on a jury - but a 6 week trial just wouldn't have worked for me right now. Sigh. I'm glad the judge understood. :)
Friday, 11 weeks, 3 days: We got our doppler fetal heartrate machine Tuesday night and darn it - I cannot find the baby's heartbeat with it to save my life! I know I'm a bit early (by 12 weeks the heartbeat is supposed to be easier to hear) but man it is FREAKING me out. I've tried 3 times now and I've heard diddly squat. Booooooooo. Little baby - I want to HEAR YOUR HEALTHY LITTLE HEART!!!!! Pleeasse!!!!! I cried for the first time today since finding out about the baby. Being pregnant is the biggest, most stressful thing I've ever done. EVERYTHING I do, eat, breath, etc. affects the baby. It's an amazingly heavy burden. And it's ALWAYS there. You can't just take a night off. You can't just not be pregnant for a little while while you gather your strength back up. I don't know how women do this everyday. I wish I could live on an island somewhere where I only eat organic food, and only breath perfectly fresh air, and I spend my days doing prenatal yoga and sleeping. I just want to wrap myself in a bubble so I don't accidentally mess this poor kid up. :(
Sunday, 11 weeks, 5 days: You're supposed to use GEL!!!???? Why didn't someone tell me that the doppler doesn't work without a significant amount of gel!!??? GAH! I've been driving myself INSANE all week for nothing. This morning, lying in bed, after I accidentally dumped (what I thought was) way to much goo on my belly, we found the heartbeat. Wow. Just for a few seconds. But it was definitely there. Baby has a heartbeat! Wow.

Thursday, 12 weeks, 2 days:I can't believe our grandmothers had to go 9 whole months in basically complete darkness about the health of their babies and now we have this magical little probe that looks more like a computer mouse than a medical device that can just SEE the baby it's crazy cool - we had our first ultrasound today and it was AMAZING. Two arms, two legs, a head, a heart - all right there on the screen, plain as day. I'm on cloud nine! :) Little baby, I love you so much!!!!!

Friday, 13 weeks, 3 days: Never before and likely never again will I say this: What is up with my flat tummy??? Where's my bump??? Gah. All of my friends on thebump are sporting adorable little baby bumps. Brand new little mounds of extra adorableness. I'm so jealous. I just want to pout in the corner. ::humph:: In other news - my nausea is just about completely gone and my appetite seems to mostly be back. I'm still eating pretty small meals, but at least salad and meat is back on the yummy list. :) Kyle and I have told several people now. I told A and L - which was pretty much the hardest thing I've ever had to do. With A, I felt terrible for getting pregnant so easily when she's having so much trouble. :( With L, I felt terrible for not sharing my news with her sooner. :( She is one of my best friends in the whole world and I couldn't even tell her. I was just so scared that I might "jinx" something by telling someone. I'm glad she knows now. Still haven't gotten a hold of Sara. Man! Our schedules are just opposite. Sucks. I may just have to text her the news... it's surprisingly difficult to tell people. On the one hand I want to shout it from the rooftops but on the other hand I'm just not completely ready to tell everyone yet... plus I'm enjoying telling people individually. Their reactions are each so unique. :)
Sunday, 13 weeks, 5 days: My ab muscles finally gave up - I'm showing!!!!!!! :) I've never been so excited to not fit into pants. It was truly like the muscles in my stomach just couldn't take it any longer. I noticed Friday night that my abs were sore - probably from holding in my belly. On Saturday I really tried to relax my abs and just let everything be where it wanted to be. And then today - I DEF see something. My whole lower abdomen looks swollen. Not quite a cute little pop out bump yet - but maybe this is just the shape my body has chosen to take. It's fine by me. :) There's a baby in there!!! And now all I want to wear is a dress. All day everyday.

Tuesday, 14 weeks, 0 days: What I want to know is why ALL pants don't have an elastic waistband??? Maternity jeans may not be especially flattering, but a girl could get use to the oh so comfy waistband! I feel like a little kid in jeans that bunch up in the back, but whatever. :)
Monday, 14 weeks, 6 days: Caitlin emailed me today and asked about planning my baby shower. This elicited two responses from me. 1. TERROR. Is this baby REALLY going to be here so soon that we need to start planning a baby shower already?????? Holy crap. Kyle and I are still SO unprepared. And 2. Sadness. Caitlin asked where the shower should be and it just reinforced to me the notion that we have NO family in the area. :( Ideally the shower would be at my mom's house, or an aunt's house, or something... but I've got no one. :( I suddenly feel very alone.

Tuesday, 15 weeks, 0 days: Dear elastic waist band, I heart you. Love always, me

Friday, 16 weeks, 3 days: OMG the pregnancy is starting to fly by! Made the appointment yesterday for the "Big" ultrasound - where we'll find out the gender of this little fishy living in my belly. :) We've told just about everyone we wanted to tell now. (Man - telling people is HARD! It's just such an awkward thing to bring up... "Lovely weather we're having, oh by the way I'm pregnant!" I've had to resort to text messages, IMs, and throwing it in as a sort of p.s. as Kyle and I leave a group of people at the end of the night. Ugh.) Heading down to LA this weekend for Dana's wedding - she wanted a pic with me and my belly - but it looks like my belly will mostly disappoint. It's there - but it's small. Not exactly photo worthy. Sigh. Oh well. I definitely feel like I'm going through a bit of a growth spurt right now though. My belly has been sort of sore yesterday and today. I'm wearing yoga pants to work today. It's nice. :) Also - Kyle has started talking to my belly. It's the cutest, sweetest thing I've ever experienced. He even introduced himself to the baby. "Hi baby! I'm your dad! Nice to meet you" :) Too cute.

Thursday, 17 weeks, 2 days: Woah! I've gained 7 lbs!!! No belly to speak of yet... and although my boobs are bigger, they're not 7 pounds bigger! I think the baby might be made of lead.
Friday, 17 weeks, 3 days: Ugh, just when I think I'm totally about to pop.... nothing. My belly looks exactly the same. *pout*. And I still haven't felt the little fishy swim around yet. :( I don't feel pregnant AT ALL. I could totally be one of those "I didn't know I was pregnant" girls. :(

Tuesday, 18 weeks, 0 days: Today, during one of the zillion and one different way I've tried to feel the baby move, I poked my stomach in an attempt to get the baby to poke back. (Girls on thebump swear it works!) Instead of getting poked back, I farted. Sigh. :\
Wednesday, 18 weeks, 1 day: OMG - Baby is due in exactly 5 months!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, 18 weeks, 3 days: I think I'm becoming addicted to ebay as I desperately try to win a cute maternity dress to wear to foxfield in a couple weeks. The funny thing is, I probably don't even NEED a maternity dress at this stage... I just want one so bad. I wonder how many other useless things I'll buy as a direct result of this darn kid. (she wonders as she combs ebay for a BabyPlus... which is basically an inutero sound system for baby... a TOTALLY necessary purchase!)
Saturday, 18 weeks, 4 days: Kyle says to me today, "Omg, you TOTALLY look pregnant today"... and you know what? I think he's right!!! When I look down all I see is this MOUND where my stomach used to be. I think I have an officially baby bump!!! I've popped!!!! I should probably start telling my co-workers about the baby...
Sunday, 18 weeks, 5 days: No "flutters" yet... but I *think* I maybe felt the baby rolling around today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was sort of a pit of my stomach, weird feeling. Sort of like space was moving around in my belly or like a cue ball was being rolled slowly from one side to the other and leaving a really weird feeling in it's wake. WEIRD! Is this it??????? Baby!!!??? Is that you?? Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Wednesday, 19 weeks, 1 day: Most mornings I wake up and STILL cannot believe I'm pregnant. That I am growing a human being inside of me. That I will be a PARENT! A MOTHER! Forever!!!! In just 5 short months. How did this happen? What on earth were we thinking???
Thursday, 19 weeks, 2 days: Met with Dr Green today - I think I need to find a new OB. Not only did she discourage me from hiring a doula (lame) - but I'm starting to feel more and more like she's very pro medical intervention when it come to L&D. And I am not. The child-birthing class brochure she gave me basically fell perfectly in line with every evil hospital stereotype portrayed in "The Business of Being Born." It was so scary I wanted to cry. There was a whole portion called "Cesarean Section - the other way to give birth"... it was like they were trying to sell it like it was "the other white meat". Yikes! So yeah - I think I need to find a new doc... and hospital. Stat.
Friday, 19 weeks, 3 days: I think I maybe MAYBE felt two little taps today!!!! Or it could have been gas. But it felt stronger than gas. I think. I was leaning forward and my pants pressed against my belly and I felt a little flick flick. But then it was gone. Man - this is driving me nuts! Apparently I have an anterior placenta which means I won't feel much of anything till baby is bigger and stronger. Booooo.
Monday, 19 weeks, 6 days: Holy Freakin Crap! We're Team......... BLUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TEAM BLUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My baby is a boy! I'm going to have a SON. Just typing it is the craziest, weirdest, most aweseomest thing on the planet. I'm literally shaking with disbelief! Not because I can't believe it's a boy (although, I was starting to think girl...) but because I can't believe it's an anything! It's a real person with a gender and everything now. SO surreal. GAH!!!!!! TEAM BLUE!!!!!! Someone pinch me! :) :) :)

Friday, 20 weeks, 3 days: Not sure it counts as a bond fide "craving", but I think I may be developing an addiction to ice cream... yum!
Saturday, 20 weeks, 4 days: Spent the day on my feet at Foxfield in VA with friends. All the standing seems to have made baby explode... I'm HUGE!!! It looks like I have a tumor or something growing on my stomach. Crap where did all this baby come from!? I'm seriously freaking out!
Sunday, 20 weeks, 5 day: Whew. Baby bump is back down to a manageable size. Ha ha... first it's too little baby bump, then it's too much baby bump. Can't it be "just right" for a while?

Thursday, 21 weeks, 2 days: Still not much in the way of kicks (stupid anterior placenta!!!) but I did feel one MAJOR kick today in the middle of a meeting at work. Made me jolt upright it was so strong! YAY! More please!!!
Sunday, 21 weeks, 5 days: My belly button is starting to do weird things... I've always had sort of an "innie-outie"... sort of like a little mountain at the bottom of a deep moat... well now the moat is still there, but it's as if the mountain is surfacing and the moat is getting shallower. Very strange! Moat depth varies throughout the day, but each time my belly button "surfaces" it seems to hang out there a bit longer. Pretty soon it'll probably just be a mountain all the time. Weird!!!! Also - it's SUPER soft (who'd have thunk??) and pretty sensitive.
Monday, 21 weeks, 6 days: Sometimes I wish babies just came pre-named... like cabbage patch kids! This whole select a name that my son will have to live with for the rest of his life thing is next to impossible... sigh.

Wednesday, 22 weeks, 1 day: 2 Milestones today. 1. I officially look pregnant with a SWEATSHIRT! on. Gah!!!!! And 2. KYLE FELT THE BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) :) :) During dinner, baby was being a bit feisty - and Kyle put his hand on my belly and sure enough, he felt a kick! :) So so cool.
Monday, 22 weeks, 6 days: The story of my belly button... first it was a mountain at the bottom of a well, then it was a mountain surrounded by a moat, now, slowly but surely, the moat is spilling over. At the lower edge of my belly button is moat is basically gone. Yikes! Good thing I'm not actually relying on it to keep would be intruders away!

Friday, 23 weeks, 3 days: Baby is getting stronger!! Today, during a meeting at work, I felt an especially strong kick. After, I stared at my tummy for a bit and then, not only did I FEEL another strong kick, but I SAW IT!! A little whump shot up and my belly popped out in response. :) Yay!

Thursday, 24 weeks, 2 day: Twenty four weeks and change. Baby is officially (potentially) viable outside the womb. Mind blowing. In other news, my nipples hurt. A lot.
Friday, 24 weeks, 3 days: I think baby likes to be touched! Kyle felt two big kicks last night when he put his hand on my tummy after we went to bed! :) It's so crazy feeling. Most of the time I feel like *I'm* growing a thing that will someday be a child. But when I get kicked I'm reminded that I'm basically just a house for this little person who and just happens to be living inside me. HE'S the one doing all the growing! I'm just along for the ride.

Monday, 25 weeks, 6 days: We FINALLY did something in the nursery!!!!!!!!!!! Yay!! I'm so excited. Kels and Kyle put up the wallpaper border. It's finally starting to look like a baby boy's room. :) So happy. In other news - if I didn't know better, I would think I was back in my 1st Trimester! Blech. I have been SO queasy ALLLLL day. Nothing sounds appetizing and when I do eat, my entire belly fills with the most painful gas ever. :( Yuck.

Wednesday, 26 weeks, 1 day: Finally found some food that doesn't make me want to hurl - baked chicken and plain rice pilaf. Thank goodness! I had it for dinner last night and for lunch today. It is SO nice to be able to eat something and not have my stomach fight back. I'm definitely feeling more pregnant these days. Gone are the mornings when I wake up and forget, for the first few minutes, that I'm carrying a child around in my belly. The baby is now a CONSTANT presence. He's heavy! And awkward feeling. I feel huge. And very pregnant. I'm super hot and sweaty and I groan when standing up or sitting down. Everything feels like it requires extra effort these days.

Wednesday, 29 weeks 1 day: Me = worst mommy ever. I haven't written in here in FOREVER. I've been busy, I've been sending baby related emails to friends and family, and I've been posting pics on facebook. Still. I feel bad for not taking a few minutes to jot my thoughts down here. :( Anyway... I'm feeling MUCH better now, thankyouverymuch. Which is good, because a few weeks ago it seems I had a calcium deposit in my ear and I suffered from vertigo off and on for 3 days. It was a nightmare! But that cleared up, and then Kyle and I went to Cape Cod for Andy and Casey's wedding, and I even got my big pregnant butt out on the dance floor and partied with the boys at the after party till 3 am. (Of course I paid dearly for it afterward by being exhausted for an entire week!) Since Cape Cod, not much new has happened. I'm getting bigger (had to break down and buy the next size up in my maternity jeans... sigh.) And I'm starting to feel the baby more. He likes to kick my right side all day (or night) long. Kyle's even SEEN the movement now a few times. So weird/awesome. I'm now sitting at my desk at work with headphones on my belly, playing classical music to the baby... he's kicking a bit. :) Makes me happy.

Thursday, 33 weeks, 2 days: Today a co-worker asked if I was nervous about the upcoming birth... I thought about it for a second and then honestly answered, "No." If you had asked me this a few weeks ago, the answer would probably have been a resounding YES!!! But the more I learn about the birth process, the less nervous I become. I know in my heart of hearts that I CAN DO THIS. There is no longer a question in my mind. It's a wonderful feeling. :) Yoga is helping me relax SO MUCH and I've been reading all sorts of books on natural childbirth and they really helping to give me confidence. I'm quite excited about the whole thing. :)

Friday, 33 weeks, 3 days: Feeling a bit blue today. :( Seems no one can make it to my baby shower. I know summer is a busy time of year and my friends and family are scattered all over the place these days... but still, I was hoping at least a dozen or so girls could get together for an afternoon. Looks like it'll be about 8 of us instead (including me and Caitlin). Sigh. It's just so lame, because instead of making me feel loved and special, this shower is now making me feel lame, friendless, and sort of unimportant. :( :( I'm having such a pity party for myself. Ugh.

Saturday, 34 weeks, 4 days: Had my shower today. For all the pity-partying that I did, the shower turned out LOVELY. :) Small and intimate and quite enjoyable. My mom and sister are in town for the weekend and I'm having the nicest time with them. Lots and lots of warm fuzzies.

Friday, 35 weeks, 3 days: We toured the birth center today at UCSF. First of all, it made me feel MUCH BETTER to actually SEE where I'll be giving birth. (It was also a good practice run for me and Kyle... we had NO idea where to go. Yikes! Second of all, I had the craziest realization while I was there: the next time I walk down those halls I'll likely be taking a beautiful baby boy home with me in my arms. SO FREAKING CRAZY and WONDERFUL. It's all becoming very real. The last few weeks have dragged a bit... but now I'm starting to feel like I'm back on the run away train again. Baby could literally come at ANY moment!

Saturday, 35 weeks, 4 days: The nursery is slowly but surely starting to look like a nursery! I honestly can't believe it! We picked up the dresser today, set up the pack-n-play, put the nightstand together and hauled some boxes out of the room. It's really coming along. :)

Tuesday, 36 weeks: Today I couldn't decide between a chocolate chip cookie and an ice cream... so I got both. :) I love loving ice cream and baked goods. Best pregnancy cravings ever.

Wednesday, 36 weeks, 1 day: OMG - my boobs make food! Just a tiny tiny little amount of basically nothing... but there was definitely SOMETHING there in the shower this morning!!!! WEIRD! Food! From my boobs!!! Gah!

Friday, 37 weeks, 3 days: My water broke this morning. I'm sitting here, about 12 hours later, and I think labor might actually be starting. Weird. Contractions so far are uncomfortable but manageable. They feel nothing like I thought they would. Go figure. When I realized my water broke this morning I was really freaked out and a bit disappointed... still so much left to do before baby arrives! Oh well...