Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Road Rage. I Has It

:( I have NEVER seen myself as a road rage kind of person. At least not on the freeway. Sure, on city streets I mostly hate all pedestrians and motorized vehicles within 1000 feet of me, inconsiderately bumbling around like blind gnats, intent on keeping me from my final destination. Jerks! But on the highway, well, we're all going the same direction at roughly the same speed, and once you're on the freeway, there's just not a whole lot you can do to change the outcome of how long it will take to get where ever you're going. If it's bumper to bumper, you can't really be mad at this car or that car, it's no one's fault, there is no one moron who should die a horrible death for trying to make a left turn from the center lane on a red light during rush hour. I hate that moron, by the way. But that guy lives on city streets. Not on the freeway. On the freeway, 9 times out of 10 there are just too many cars on the road. So we all have to slow down. Annoying, but no reason to get upset. And those people who let the stress of the stop and go get to them? Who let the driving habits of others affect their own mood? What's that all about? I don't need that sort of negative energy in my life. Just chill out, right?

Wrong. Not today.

I was happily driving along in stop and go and traffic (GAH! Must learn to leave house BEFORE 7am so as to avoid the stop and go!) when suddenly a horrible horrible woman, wearing far too much make-up, driving a SUPER-SIZED SUV, shouting into her cell phone, cut in behind me and then proceeded to glue the front bumper of her giant evil global warming machine to tail pipe of my tiny Honda. Grrrrrrrrrrr. (For the record, I don't actually hate SUVs, provided they serve some purpose other than to make the driver feel tall. If you live snow country, they make sense, if you live on a farm with unpaved roads, they make sense, if you are schlepping around 5 kids and 2 dogs 12 hours a day, they make sense... but if you live in the city and commute on the freeway 5 days a week, ALONE, for crying out loud get a Civic, because, seriously, you're just pissing people off.) So, little Miss Evil was ON MY ASS. Like seriously, I felt like I should be able to use the carpool lane because she was totally hanging out in my back seat.

We'd go 25 miles an hour (the two of us, together, like conjoined twins) and then traffic would come to a complete stop, she'd of course have to slam on her brakes to avoid rear-ending me, and then we'd sit. And then it would pick back up and we'd go 25 miles an hour again. And then we'd stop again. Lather Rinse Repeat. And all the while she was shouting into her cell phone and gettin friendly with my back side. Eye... twitching... mrrrr.

And then she started honking.

Oh yes. We'd be stopped, and the *INSTANT* the car in front of me would start to roll forward, she'd honk at me to inform me that it was now my turn to also start rolling forward. And I was like, "Ummmm, thank you for the driving instructions, Miss Honky von Honkerson, but just because you want to suck my exhaust doesn't mean I need to be all up on the tail pipe of the car in front of me. STOP HONKING AT ME YOU EVIL WHORE!"

But oh the honking did continue. (Fingers gripping the steering wheel, blood boiling...)

And then I decided that I couldn't take it anymore. I slammed on my breaks and she slammed on hers, and then I just sat there. And oh the car in front of me kept going, and the space between us grew! And soon there may have been a whole 30 feet in front of me. Stupid lady laid on her horn and flailed her arms in the air, and I just sat there. (So bold I am!) She finally cut someone off in the lane next to us and passed me. And as she drove by, you know what I did? I flipped her off. Oh yeah. And I didn't even feel bad about it*. And then, I'm ashamed to admit, I honked at her several times. [hangs head] I totally let her get to me. Ugh.

(*I of course feel bad about it now, I'm such a weenie)

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