To The Bone

It seems my windshield wipers were SO BAD for SO LONG that I just sort of got used to draaaagggg... chatter chatter chatter... smudge. Draaaagggg... chatter chatter chatter... smudge.

I vaguely remember thinking something MUST be wrong sometime last Spring. But then it stopped raining and the problem sort of went away. (Amazing how that works.)

Well, the rain came back today... and so did that sneaking suspicion that all was not right in windshield wiper land. In addition to the noise from the wiper blades being louder than my stereo (I kid you not - how did I live with this for so long???), the smudging seemed to have optimized itself such that EVERY square inch of windshield was perfectly coated in a thin film of water so as to COMPLETELY obscure my vision. It was so bad that I actually considered pulling over to try and wait out the rain. (p.s. it's still raining outside - so that would have been a terrible idea, by the way.)

Instead, I decide that new wiper blades are in order... but it's late, and the only place open is Walmart (p.s. I HATE Walmart.) I sigh. I go to Walmart. I park roughly 800 miles away from the entrance because 3 billion other people ALSO decided to go to Walmart tonight, and they took all of the good parking spots. I trek from my car to the entrance in the pouring rain. I walk to the automotive section. I find wiper blades. I pause.

Did you know that wiper blades COME IN DIFFERENT SIZES???

Well I didn't.

I trek back to my car. I try to remove one of my wiper blades so I can take it inside with me to compare sizes. I realize that I do not know how to remove said wiper blade. I retrieve my owner’s manual from the bottom of my glove box (p.s. I keep WAY too much crap in my glove box.) I read the wiper blade section. It is confusing at best. I stand in the rain with the owner’s manual in one hand while trying to remove a wiper blade with the other hand. I get very wet. But I am successful! (p.s. removing a wiper blade is WAY easier than they make it sound in the owner's manual.)

I trek back to the Walmart entrance, wiper blade in hand. I go to the automotive section. I find my size wiper blades. I buy two. I trek back to my car. I pause.

Did you know that the driver's side wiper blade is a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SIZE than the passenger's side wiper blade?

Well I didn't.

I remove the passenger's side wiper blade. I trek back to the Walmart entrance. I go to the automotive section. I find the correct passenger's side wiper blade size. I buy one. I trek back to my car.

In the pouring, pouring, rain I install two new, properly-sized, wiper blades. Finally.

I'm soaked, but victory is mine.