Monday, February 06, 2006

I Was Mopped!

This weekend, while playing in SF with Kyle and Kelsey, I happened upon a Pirate Store. (And by "happened upon" I mean Kyle and Kelsey had heard about it and were dying to go there and check it out so we planned most of an entire Saturday around trying to find it.)
Anyway, this store is an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, stuffed into a little glass message bottle, cast into a sea of fantastic strangeness... in the Mission District.

826 Valencia, to be exact.

I cannot begin to do the place justice by attempting to describe it. In fact, I'm not even sure I understand it. There is a large (LARGE) vat of lard. There is a fish named Karl. Apparently Karl is King. There are countless drawers labeled with things like "Perfection" and "Trimmings"... the Perfection drawer couldn't be opened... the Trimming drawer was filled with beard trimmings. One drawer has a large red hook in it. I wish I could remember what that drawer was labeled. I really couldn't tell you if *ANYTHING* was actually for sale in the store. It was so strange. And there were many many signs on the walls. The signs had everything from top 10 lists (Top 10 ten reasons to have tentacles #7. Fully Nuanced Gesturing)... to stories about pirating and plundering and the like (lots of use of the word "Arrrgh") ... to instructions on what to do when being mopped ("Think of yourself as a smooth wet vermicelli noodle and the mops as a thick and delicious sauce")... to things like this:

Hee Hee... I like the code... but wait a minute... "mopped"? What's mopped?

Well! Just as I was reading one of these many signs... fully entranced by it... completely unaware of my surroundings... I WAS MOPPED!!! Oh yes! A whole pile of mop heads fell from the ceiling above me and landed RIGHT ON MY HEAD!!!!!! And you know what I thought?? "I'm a wet noodle, I'm a wet noodle."
The sneaky wenches at the pirate store got me.
I can't wait to go back.