Wednesday, July 29, 2009

See! I TOLD You I Don't Look Strong

*title refers to #19 on my 100 Things About Me list.

I've always known that I don't look especially buff - but man! I must have "pathetic weakling" written all over my face.

About a week ago, I broke down and bought a furminator online. (I've heard fantastic!! things about this un-fantastic looking little metal hairbrush for cats... p.s. I used it on one of my three cats last night - my other two were feeling too feisty to be brushed - and it was only for a few minutes (as I wasn't especially prepared to deal with the zillion pounds of cat fur that this hairbrush promises to remove) so I'll refrain from singing the furminator's praises or exposing it as an over-priced fraud just yet.)

ANYway - about a week ago, I broke down and bought a furminator online. But in order to get free shipping, I had to spend at least $50, and since the furminator was only $29.99 (Good gracious - did I just type the word "only" in front of $29.99????? Did I REALLY spend THIRTY dollars on a kitty-cat hair brush???? This better be the best darn hairbrush in the history of hairbrushes!) ANYway - since the furminator was, ahem, *only* $29.99... I had to spend an additional $20. And darn it - food and cat litter don't count towards the free shipping $50 minimum. Boooooooooooooo. So what else do I need for my cats???? $20 worth of fake mice??? I clicked through the pages until - a ha! - a new scratching post! The kitties could TOTALLY use a new scratching post. (Heaven knows I am NOT moving the heinous looking eye-sore that they currently sharpen their claws on to our new house.) And looky-here: they had an uber fancy scratching post ON SALE!!!! Originally $69.99... marked down to $49.99! (Such a DEAL! How could I NOT buy it??? Right?) So... in order to save $8 in shipping and handling (which really is WAY too much money to ship a freakin' hairbrush!) I spent an additional $50 on an over the top fancy-shmancy scratching post. Am I their sales team's dream customer or what?? Ugh.

So - yesterday my furminator and scratching post arrived. Hooray! I had them both shipped to my office because it's just WAY easier to get packages there. Anyway, when I left for the day I picked up my two boxes and started to walk out of the office. Now, while the boxes weren't exactly heavy, they were a bit unwieldy - the scratching post, for example, is almost 3 feet tall and the furminator comes wrapped in way too much packaging in order to make it seem worth thirty whole dollars. Well, I guess I looked a bit pathetic trying to carry the two boxes out of my office because one of my co-workers saw me walking towards him and immediately dropped what he was doing and offered to help.

Co-Worker: Oh wow - do you need some help with those?
Me: Huh? Oh, no. I got it. But thanks.
Co-Worker: Are you sure? I'm happy to help.
Me: No, thanks for the offer, but I got it. It's not as heavy as it looks.
Co-Worker: Really? Are you sure? It's no problem for me.
Me: I know - and thank you - but I got it. There's no need for you walk ALLLLLLL the way down to my car with me. I'll be fine. Seriously. Thank you.
C0-Worker: Um. Ok.

And with that he let me go. Although he looked very uncomfortable about the whole thing.

Then I get out to the street and start walking to my car. (note: I park about a block away from my office.) As I'm walking, a man in a car driving by suddenly slows down, rolls down his window and begins to offer me help.

Man: Excuse me. Do you need some help with those boxes?
Me: Huh? Um, no. Thanks. I'm fine.
Man: Are you sure? They look really heavy.
Me: I got it. Really. They're not heavy. Just awkward. Thank you though.
Man: Are you sure?
Me: Yes. I'm sure. Thank you.

And with that he drove away... about 100 yards.... and then he turned around and drove BACK to me to once again offer assistance.

Man: Are you SURE you don't need any help? How far are you walking with those?
Me: Just to my car. It's right there. I'm fine. Really. Thanks. I'm fine.
Man: I can carry them for you.
Me: I know. But really. They're not heavy - they're just bulky. Really. I appreciate it. I'm Ok. I don't need help. Thank you, though.
Man: Um. Ok.

And then, looking very uncomfortable with the situation, the man slowly drove away.

Dear Me! How pathetic do I look??? I think to myself as I approach my car, glad to finally almost be there. When I'm about 20 feet away, a homeless man across the street, pushing a shopping cart filled with all of his worldly possessions, notices me and my boxes.

Homeless Man: Excuse me, Miss, do you need some help with those?
Me: (Really???) Nope. Thanks though. I got it.
Homeless Man: I can help you carry them.
Me: I really got them. It's fine. This is my car right here. Thanks anyway.
Homeless Man: Are you sure?
Me: Yep. This is me. Right here. I'm done carrying them now. But thank you.

And with that I placed my boxes on top of the trunk and got my keys out of my purse.

Just as I was about to pick the boxes up and place them in my car, the homeless man came over.

Homeless Man: Please let me help you. Let me put them in your car for you. Where do want the boxes?
Me: (defeated) *sigh* In the back seat would be lovely.

And so, apparently happy to be of service, the man smiled, picked the boxes up off my trunk and placed them into my backseat. I thanked him. He said it was no problem and wished me a good evening. And then he went back to his shopping cart and walked away. And I got in my car and drove home.

When I got home I informed Kyle of the boxes in my car and I asked if he could please carry them upstairs for me. Mostly because I like it when he does manly things like carry boxes for me, but also because I feared the entire neighborhood might otherwise come rushing out out of their homes to offer me assistance.